It is the day after Whitney Houston’s tragic and unexpected death and I’m laying here in my apartment looking at the walls and the furniture thinking, “Am I really here? Ok, come back. Come back to your world. Here. Today.” I find myself not even wanting to say her name, write her name, and I dread thinking it… but my mind at times is like a medley of her songs, it goes from 1 to the other unconsciously. Maybe that is effect that Twitter has on the brain. But somehow I just feel lost in it all. And I recognize this familiar feeling.
It is time to say good-bye.
I struggle to stay present in this moment while I reminisce about the past and worry about the future. I experience flashbacks of my life and feel pain in my body upon the realization that one day I am going to die and so will all the people who I love. I ask myself, “What am I going to do?”
I am aging. Nearing the age of 30, my body has now begun the downhill climb towards the end and yet I have so much more living to do. How will I do it? How will I make it to the end? How will I finish this race against time?
Upon the death of legendary Whitney Houston, I am bluntly reminded again that life is only a temporary and fleeting moment. My entire life's existence is put into perspective. I can remember the 80s. I remember the 90s. And then we have today; already so much of it is gone. One day we will not be here and most likely, yesterday will only register as a date on the calendar to our descendants to come 100 years from now.
A Story:
When I was in elementary school, we had a pageant once a year and I swear at least 1 little girl in the pageant got on stage and sang, “The Greatest Love of All” every year!
Well, six years ago I was baby-sitting my 9yr-old African-American cousin and I mentioned Whitney Houston. She turned to me and said, “Who is Whitney Houston?” I just looked at her in shock! I said, “You don’t know Whitney Houston?” She said, “No.” I thought to myself, “My God, where are we leading our children? So much of our history has been lost."
That was a turning point for me. I thought, “A little Black girl who doesn’t know the awe that is Whitney Houston?” I then realized that the younger generation’s experiences are so much different than mine were. I became scared thinking about the type of people they might be.
As a result of yesterday's tragedy, I’m sure my little cousin is already getting to know the splendor and awe of the entertainer who was Whitney Houston in all her glory! And I’m sure the late great Whitney Houston would have it no other way.
I remember right after Michael Jackson’s death, my friend's 4-yr old son would sing and dance to Michael Jackson songs all day! He told me, “I love Michael Jackson.” I told him, “I heard that I loved him too when I was your age. That was TWENTY years ago. I used to sing and dance to his songs just like you do!”
A happy thought connects the past, present, and future. I am able to smile through my grief a little as this memory helps me to accept that all is as it should be. I can only hope that the light of these stars continues to shine bright forever so that they will continue to live on forever.
To Bobbi Kristina, (Whitney’s only child) and to the rest of her family, I would like to send this message for you, out into the universe:
When I’ve had relatives pass away, I felt heart-breaking sadness at first, but after some time I was comforted by my memories of the times we shared. The memories are what helps to ensure their legacy lives on so that even though they are gone, they will not be forgotten. Whether it’s through my grandmothers’ favorite Caramel Cake or Spaghetti recipe, as long as I live, the talents, gifts, and the love they shared with me will live on forever.
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