Welcome!!! I have decided to take a journey deep into my inner self to discover a deeper sense of peace and maybe even to get some of life's most puzzling questions answered. Feel free to join me on this journey and leave your thoughts...
And the award for "Most Sensitive Rapper" goes to...
Last night before bed I was listening to meditation music when another song kept popping into my head. I could faintly hear a girl singing it...so then I said, "Scratch this meditation. Let me hum this song so maybe I can figure out where I've heard it before." Then I remembered! Oh, that was one of the new songs off of Drake's "Take Care" album! So I went to listen to "Doing It Wrong" by Drake. (The voice I was hearing in my head was actually a cover by HotTottie on Youtube.)
[Verse 1] When a good thing goes bad it's not the end of the world It's just the end of a world that you had with one girl And she's the reason it happened, but she's overreacting And it's all because she don't want things to change
[Hook] So cry if you need to, but I can't stay to watch you That's the wrong thing to do Touch if you need to, but I can't stay to hold you That's the wrong thing to do Talk if you need to, but I can't stay to hear you That's the wrong thing to do Cause you'll say you love me, and I'll end up lying And say I love you, too
But I need someone different You know it, oh ho, you know it Oh ho, you know it, we both know it I need someone different You know it, oh ho, you know it Oh ho, you know it, we both know it Something's been missing You know it, oh ho, she knows it Oh ho, I know it, we all know it I need someone different (Oh ho, oh ho)
[Verse 2] We live in a generation of not being in love, and not being together But we sure make it feel like we're together Because we're scared to see each other with somebody else
What did this mean? Why was my mind pulling me to that song I happened to have heard only twice before... 1.) Well, obviously it sounds good. 2.) I have to say that I admire Drake for this one because he's doing the right thing by showing that he has a conscience. I just applaud him for that. 3.) Honesty, morality...wow, he's winning so many awards for just that one song! It is huge!
Now as for the rest of the album...hmm, well I dunno. But overall I love the Drake (((sound))) and especially his willingness to be vulnerable through his music. And really, his singing is awesome!
The truth? It kind of just happened! Well, not really.
Let me start from the beginning. I was natural from birth to age 16, at which point my mom and I decided that it should not hurt me to get a relaxer. At the time I was very active in cheerleading/dance and the constant heat styling had started to break and thin my hair. So then the journey began.
I could give you the lowdown about all the popular salon-quality perms but I won’t. Things I worried about: overprocessing, underprocessing, chemical burns (every month), breakage, split-ends (many times the stylist had to cut 1.5in of hair to prevent breakage).
What I learned from getting chemical relaxers: Relaxers (perms) are not for everyone! My scalp and hair are unique.
I was also tired of fighting with salon stylists about what was best for my hair. I always tried to explain to them that I knew more about my hair than they did because I had been working with it my whole life! And many times they insisted on doing something that caused my hair to fall out! I’m like, “This is MY hair!”
So, what did I do? With not enough courage to chop it off and go natural, I started braiding and weaving more and more, until I looked up and I had worn my hair in braid extensions or sew-ins for the majority of 18mos. I took the sew-in down in February of 2011 and I had a full head of natural hair! I said to myself, “Great! I’ve always wanted to go natural! Hallelujah! I’m going to make this work and I don’t care who doesn’t like it!” And so it was.
The four main reasons why I went natural: Health, Beauty, Cultural Pride, and Financial Expense
Health
1.) Some people have sensitive skin and/or allergies. I am one of those people. 2.) I have become increasingly concerned about the chemicals that I expose myself to. 3.) Chemical burns from relaxers were a very common occurrence. 4.) There was always something about the smell of a relaxer and hair dyes that turned me off. I said to myself every time, “OMG, what am I putting in my hair? On my skin? And I hope that after years of using it, it doesn’t kill me. 5.) I was told that my hair falling out and/or breaking was a sign of poor health, a hormonal imbalance, or stress. So then a healthy head of hair must be a sign of optimum health. I sought out to find the truth.
Beauty
I have always loved my natural hair and how soft it felt. I look at afro puffs and I see beauty. It draws me in.
I like the way my natural hair feels, looks, and smells. I could lie on it like a pillow for days and days! In between straightenings, I enjoyed rubbing my face with it and smelling it (a habit which really annoyed my mother).
I’m a hair fanatic, period. I like hair types 1-4, though. Hair is hair. *shrugs*
Cultural Pride
There is a lot of pressure for people of color to conform to Eurocentric standards of beauty, labeling Eurocentric as normal and/or right while labeling Afro-centric as abnormal and/or wrong. To many people in our Western culture, Afro-textured natural hair is less desirable than straight hair. Yet for most people of African descent, Afro-textured hair is what they were born with!
Since I’ve learned how to do my own braid extensions, I think I could be more successful at relaxing this time around. However, I will not relax my hair because wearing my natural hair shows cultural pride. It's sad that some people feel threatened by me being comfortable in my own skin. "Oh, you’re comfortable being dark-skinned?" "Oh, you’re comfortable having nappy hair?" My answer: "Well, isn’t that the way God made me?" What is wrong with being proud of who I am, my heritage, and my African ancestry? Honestly, some women look at me as if I am an atheist or something because I’ve said “No” to ever getting a perm again. You know what? They will survive. This is my life, not theirs.
Financial Expense
Hair is expensive! Salon visits, products...
1.) Relaxers:
Week 1 $70.00 (the relaxer) + $20.00 (hair-cut or trimming ends to prevent splitting) Week 2 $50.00 (wash and set) Week 3 $50.00 (wash and set) Week 4 $50.00 (wash and set) Week 5 $50.00 (wash and set) Week 6 $50.00 (wash and set) Week 7 $50.00 (wash and set) Total: $420.00/2 = $210/mo.
Week 8 Cycle starts over with a relaxer on natural roots
2.) Hair Weaving:
Braid Extensions. (Senegalese Twists, Individuals, Micro Braids, Tree Braids) Price - If done by a licensed stylist, these cost usually $125.00 - $200.00. If done by an unlicensed stylist in their home, the cost is about $60 - $125.00. The braiding hair ranges in prices depending on whether it is synthetic, human, synthetic/human blend, imported, etc. $2.00 – $100.00+ per bag. Also, time is a factor. It takes 8-10 hrs for 1 experienced stylist to complete. Wear Time - The style lasts 6wks – 3mos, although it’s recommended for no more than 2mos. Maintenance - About halfway, 3-4wks in, you may have to re-do the edges to keep the style looking fresh. (I wash my hair and scalp weekly nowadays instead of once every two weeks.) Risks - Can pull hair out if done too tightly or left in too long.
Sew-Ins. Price - The average cost for a licensed stylist is $150.00 - $200.00. The hair (on tracks) ranges in prices depending on synthetic, human, synthetic/human blend, imported, etc. Wear Time - The style lasts 6wks – 3mos, although it’s recommended for no more than 2mos. Maintenance - After washing, it is best to sit under a hair dryer for 30min -1hr to make sure the roots (which are in cornrows) get dry. Some women even pay for salon visits to maintain their sew-in weekly. Also, when the roots begin to grow out, they may go in to get it tightened. Risks - Can pull hair out if done too tightly or left in too long. It is also hard to do scalp treatments with a sew-in. (I soak instead.)
Glued-in tracks. Price - $50.00 - $70.00 Wear Time - The style lasts no more than 2wks. Risks - Bonding glue has chemicals and may take your hair out when trying to remove.
After creating the Youtube playlist, “Black Dating and Marriage Videos,” and viewing/organizing most of the vids, I realize that I have learned so much about the unique mixture of gender roles, stereotypes, media representation, and their effect on the Black community/state of Black Marriage.
Why so much negativity about Tyler Perry's work?
I always wondered why so many Black people were hard on Tyler Perry yet the same people either completely ignore (or completely worship), Hip Hop artists who promote misogyny in their music videos.
Could it be homophobia? Maybe they don’t like the fact that he dresses up like an old lady. *shrugs*
Could it be that the concept of Male Privelege (something that exists in our society almost subconsciously) is overtly exposed to audiences through Tyler Perry’s characters and stories?
Possibly it is...
Here is something interesting that I found out about myself: I trust Tyler Perry.
Yes, I know it’s weird! But when he cast former porn star, Kim Kardashian, in his upcoming film, “The Marriage Counselor,” a lot of people were very angry. They felt as if he had finally sold out and strayed away from his commitment to make movies that uplift the Black community. Well, my 1st thought was, “Either he is losing his mind or he has a master plan.” Yes, dear friends, I actually trust Tyler Perry. ;) You know what that means! Just kidding... :-P
I’m not saying that I would marry him and live happily ever after. No. I’m saying that I trust him to bring me the same content consistently, and to do it from the heart. I’ve seen all of Tyler Perry’s movies except for 'For Colored Girls' (the play he adapted to film) and 'Precious' (the film which he only endorsed). I know the type of artist he is. I know where he’s coming from and I can usually predict where he’s going. Some see him as a money maker but I see him as an artist, a writer, a film-maker. His artistic process surely requires deep thought and almost an emotional purging.
Tyler Perry vs. Spike Lee
As far as the Tyler Perry/Spike Lee debate, here are my thoughts: I personally have never liked Spike Lee’s films, although I can agree that they are great artistic pieces. I guess I never really bought what he was selling.
1.) Sexuality
One thing I did notice however were his extremely graphic and unforgettable sex scenes! There is all kind of art! The sex scenes were uniquely Spike Lee! Whereas Tyler Perry’s movies most often don’t have sex scenes and display underlying themes of Christianity. In my honest opinion, that is the major difference seen strictly from this movie-goer’s eyes.
Check out these articles about Spike Lee’s sex scenes:
An accusation that Spike Lee makes about Tyler Perry’s films is the “coonery and buffoonery” statement. All it took was a simple Google search of these two men’s biographies to find out where the class issue comes into play. Spike Lee was born and raised in a wealthy family whereas Tyler Perry was born and raised in impoverished circumstances. So I think it’s fair to say that their perspectives may be slightly different. Some see the world through rose-colored glasses and some see the world through lavender colored glasses… so maybe their socio-economic background acts as a filter for their artistic expressions.
Diary of a Mad Black Woman mastermind Tyler Perry turns the familiar Cinderella tale on its head with this story concerning a successful female (more...)
All you need is a cup of hot cocoa, your pajamas, and maybe headphones... Then you can sit back and enjoy all of the drama, madness, humor, and warm fuzzies of my youtube playlist, "Black Marriage and Dating Videos." <--To watch on Youtube click here.
As I think about all of the people suffering globally during this economic recession I am reminded of my own pitfalls and sometimes I find myself feeling as if I just don’t measure up. I feel like a lesser version of the self I had planned to be and the self I am capable of being. There’s a part of me that feels like a failure.
But somehow, I know this isn’t the right mindset. Life is not about how much money you have, how much property you own, or who knows and respects your name. It just is… Despite hard times and struggle, I’m still me.
What remains the same? You might lose valued material possessions and you might even go without things you need, but there is still a part of you that is able to find joy, meaning, and hope, because you are the same, human, with or without material things.
“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” –John Lennon
Sometimes I think about those people who, at the beginning of the current economic crisis, owned their own home, then abruptly lost it due to foreclosure, and are now homeless. Then I have in my mind the stories about visionaries who had that one wonderful idea then became rich! Then I think about all the people in Mexico who dream of coming to the United States with the hope of making a better life for themselves. Then I say to myself that none of it matters.
Whether I am a day laborer in India, a cashier at your local department store, a teller at a bank, or one of the un-named people in Bible stories who roamed around with Jesus and Moses all day, at the end of the day, none of those things are what life is all about.
Life is about living. Living is enjoying the smile on a baby’s face, the aroma of a pretty flower, the soothing sounds of nature, the kindness of a stranger, or the warmth of a friend. It's about taking a moment to lie down in the grass to feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. It's about taking the time to listen to and enjoy complete silence.
Bask in the charm of the night sky. Look up and take into your being, the beauty of the moon and stars. Try to find the Big Dipper/Little Dipper. If it’s too cloudy but there’s a full moon, observe the way the light cuts in and out of the clouds in the night sky. Over time, these marvels of nature have not changed much and you can feel complete knowing that millions who lived before you looked up and saw the same thing. Just remember to breathe it all in. Forget about the madness in your life, the politics of the world, and lay the drama aside. Take a moment for yourself and be engulfed by the darkness, the oneness, and the stillness of nature.
Then sleep. Then wake-up. Then eat. Then work. Then play. But most importantly, live. Your existence on this earth is only fleeting and temporary. When you’re gone, your friends and loved ones will bury you in the ground and say good-bye, forever. Life as you knew it will truly be over. So today while you are alive, be sure to live. Time will keep ticking no matter how much you plan and no matter how much you worry.
So don’t ever lose sight of what LIFE is all about. It is about waking up in the morning and just being alive. We can’t really be sure of what the next month or year will bring or even certain that we will be here among the living. But at the end of the day, if you have food, clothing, shelter, and your health, you’re living a pretty good life.
And should you get sick and become unable to pay your medical bills, then you will eventually die as did billions of people before you. But until that sad day, what you have left is time. It's time to enjoy the rest of the life you have on this earth.
Meditation: Today I am grateful for every little thing, every peaceful moment, every opportunity.
This is a follow-up to my previous blog about the negative, downhill moral journey of black youth culture. I have to admit that I got a little flack for the last article. People said I was being judgemental and that I thought I was perfect... So how bout this one? I know and believe that black culture is (or can be) so much more than just a combination of risky sexual behavior, drug-use, illegal drug activity, etc. And it is my personal opinion that this type of lifestyle should not be glorified! Children as well as adults see their heroes engaged in this type of activity and they seek to imitate it. Then it becomes almost normal or expected to continue the pattern.
My focus for this article is pop sensation Rihanna, and her new video, "We Found Love." I can relate to Rihanna and I admire her creativity but I still believe that the image she puts forth as a young black woman is irresponsible.
Here are my thoughts on the video as well as the article.
Risk-taking behavior at it's highest!
1.) The slot machine symbolizes risk taking. As does her other video, "Russian Roulette." So does behavior like jumping on tables in public places, doing lots of drugs(and also the way that they do them, like smoking 4 joints, or whatever that was, at 1 time) and last but not least, remaining in an abusive relationship.
2.) In the scene where she was passed out, Chris Witherspoon interpreted that the man was trying to "comfort her in a drunken stupor." To me he looked worried. Also, there were ambulance lights flashing in-between that scene.
3.) In the end she was balled up into a corner because she realized that she needed to change her life but it was hard...also she was detoxing. She's detoxing from the relationship, which itself was like a drug--> like she said, "wanting the good without the bad."
4.) I don't think people realize the reality of how much drug use/abuse can contribute to poor decision making! If I was high on drugs all the time, I might fall in love with a tree!
5.) She's sick and she knows it...And she's only 23yrs old. Wow...
In the song "Rehab" off her 2nd album, she says, "I gotta check into rehab cause baby you're my disease." (Yeah, the video with Justin Timberlake as her love interest.) Well, this is her 6th album, so it seems like she's been dealing with these issues for at least the length of her entire music career!
6.) I applaud her for her creativity! However, I think a lot of kids will watch and think it's just cool to get high and f**k...
On another note (and completely off topic I guess), the "We Found Love" video reminds me of Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream." Although, "We Found Love" reaches a little deeper and kind of looks more like a nightmare than a dream! A drug-induced one!
I was recently bit by the MRSA bug which I previously thought was the equivalent of the Boogedy Man. I rarely watch the news but I had a few buzzlings in my ear about this new so-called killer infection that was going around. I thought, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like bird flu, swine flu, and the African killer bees, right? Yeah, some people got it and died from it but it’s nothing major to worry about, especially nothing to PANIC about..."
Well, this is a warning to those who are not believers! The Boogedy Man is REAL! You just don’t realize it until he catches you!
My Story:
My doctor tried one antibiotic shot and a combination of two oral antibiotics...didn't work, just got bigger. My temp was 99.5 without pain relievers.
The next day, he then attempted to drain it...didn't drain. Without pain reliever, my temp was 99.5. I was given a larger dose of the antibiotic shot and told to continue the oral antibiotics...didn't work, but did not get any bigger.
The next day, my temp was 100.8 without any pain relievers. The doctor replaced one of the oral antibiotics I was taking with a stronger antibiotic and opened up the hole a little bit more, and it worked... Five days later, it had gone down and did not have any drainage, however I decided to keep covering the incision with guaze and tape (or a band-aid) until it healed completely.
From Thursday to Monday I actually lost 7 lbs! No complaints there!
Staphylococcus aureus, often referred to simply as “staph,” is a type of bacteria commonly carried on the skin or in the nose of healthy people. Sometimes, staph can cause an infection. Staph bacteria are one of the most common causes of skin infections in the United States. Most of these skin infections are minor (such as pustules and boils) and can be treated without antibiotics. However, staph bacteria also can cause serious infections (such as surgical wound infections, bloodstream infections, and pneumonia).
Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) refers to types of staph that are resistant to a type of antibiotic methicillin. MRSA is often resistant to other antibiotics, as well. While 25% to 30% of the population is colonized with staph (meaning that bacteria are present, but not causing an infection with staph), approximately 1% is colonized with MRSA.
How can you prevent the spread of Staph/MRSA infection?
1.) Keep your immune system in check. Your body's ability to fight off infections can determine how sick this superbug can make you, if you even get an infection at all. (See "Myra's Weight Loss Challenge")
2.) Don't take antibiotics when you're not sick. Don't take antibiotics to treat viruses (viral infections) because they will not work. Be sure to use antibiotic ointments sparingly on cuts and scrapes or not at all.
Bacteria are living organisms just like humans and giraffes. Years ago, giraffes used to have short necks. Then something happened to the climate where the trees grew taller and the food source was now high up in the air. So the giraffes with really short necks eventually died out and the ones with long necks survived because they were able to get food. Today, all giraffes have long nexts.
Wait a minute...I think that's called natural selection... so maybe it was a little bit of natural selection and possibly a bit genetic adaptation/mutation whereby the genes began to change to ensure the survival of the species. Scientists believe that the giraffes began stretching their necks to get the food and this also caused their genes to mutate. So over time, with natural selection and genetic mutation, all giraffes came to have long necks.
So that's what happens to bacteria. The strong ones survive, adapt, and mutate, then future generations are able to withstand a little bit better, that which many of the previous generations could not withstand. That is MRSA. Staph bacteria's new distant cousin can survive and thrive when attacked with many different types of antibiotics which the weaker Staph cousins are unable to survive.
Over time, constant exposure to anti-biotics will only give the bacteria plenty of opportunity to practice getting their genetics right. So don't do that!
3. Be clean but not too clean.
It's best to bring out the guns when you have an active infection or you know you might have been exposed: Antiseptic hand sanitizer, anti-bacterial wipes, etc. I have seen recomendations for shower/bath daily and at least once per week with anti-bacterial soap, however I continue to use the anti-bacterial soap daily. I do admit that many days I shower/bathe twice daily (short showers)...hmm.
However, just as bacteria adapt to antibiotics, they can also adapt to germicides... It only takes a couple of strong ones to live on, then soon you'll have a whole colony of "resistant" bacteria who just won't die! :-(
Is the Devil Hijacking Black youth culture by way of media representation? And I'm not talking about no illuminati/cult/etc! Just Lucifer/Satan in the form of distorted reality, straight up and pure. What do you think? Think people, THINK!
Don't get me wrong, I believe in Freedom of Speech but I also believe in morality... They have the right to say it, but you can be moral and reject it!
If the KuKluxKlan released a white supremacy album that went platinum in 1 week, and the video got 1bil hits across Youtube and Vimeo combined, Black people would be marching in the streets! But you have Wiz Khalifa and Too Short release a hit song glorifying drug-abuse and drug-induced rape, and people say "Leave them alone! They've had a hard life."
Just think, what other heroes do little 10-yr old Black and Hispanic boys have? That is why this attitude has become our culture and continues to contribute to the association of racial and ethnic minorities with moral deviance. Simply put, in the words of Lil' Wayne, "This is a culture." (Click here to watch Lil Wayne's Public Service Announcement.)
In the 90s when Tupac was talking about drive-bys, I knew children who were killed due to drive-bys! I understand that "thug-life" may be the truth of their reality, but the glorification of it doesn't help those who are 1.) not making money off it, and 2.) wasting their money by buying it and/or seeking to imitate it.
I recently read an article from The Root titled, "Liberals Still Fighting Old Culture Wars" which discussed liberal groups' frustration and intolerance of Conservative Republican leader, Pat Buchanan. Pat Buchanan recently wrote a new book, "Suicide of a Superpower: Will America Survive to 2025?" In it he claims that our nation, born a Western Christian republic, is becoming a "multiracial, multicultural, multilingual, multiethnic stew...that has no successful precedent in the history of the world." Could his concern be due to reports like these?
1.) Professor Tricia Rose, author of "Black Noise" discusses the corporatization of black culture and states that marketing, rather than creativity now drives the work of artists, drives the sexual exploitation of black women...Yet it's difficult to be critical of young black men.
** View the net worth of the Top-5 Richest Rappers of 2011. Lil Wayne does not make the Top-5 due to his net worth being only $85million in 2011.
** See what HipHop artists earned, according to Forbes, in the year 2011. "HipHop Cash Kings 2011"
I realize that some of the images of drug use may be triggers for some people (probably why they made it). I think we all know that there's something wrong with this kind of lifestyle/music. :-( Nevertheless, the music is catchy...sigh. How many kids will begin a lifetime of addiction after dancing to this I wonder?
[Wiz Khalifa - Verse 1] It's the champagne pourin' Big joint rollin' Bombay sippin' No blunt smoking Bad bitch gettin' Thick and she got some friends with her I take 'em out pourin' shots of liquor Drinkin' out the bottle, smiling in all my pictures The marijuana loud so them hoes follow like twitter nigga, you know everything Taylored Don't rush to the bar fool, if you ain't got no paper That's the rules, high as fuck, sloppy drunk when I'm passing through Rollin' doobies up, ya hoe who we pass 'em to Hit the club spend this money up, roll another one, drink, act a fool That's what I have to do
[Chorus] See after drinking champagne all night Never worry bout a damn thing, y'all might Homie I'm on my level (yeh) I'm on my level (yeah) I'm on my level (yeh) I'm on my level (yeaah)
So let me take one shot to the brain And I order three more shots I'm going in, ayy I'm on my level (yeh) I'm on my level (yeah) I'm on my level (yeh) I'm on my level (yeaah)
[Wiz Khalifa - Verse 2] Spent a couple dollars on my engine motor roaring when I back out the garage Gin got me drunk as fuck stumbling out the bar Plus I'm struggling tryna find the keys to my car Cause I be going hard, roll the camera Life just like a movie, I'm the star Wish you was in my position You too broke to play the part Of course I keep some bad women with me in the back Sippin' Rose with some hash twistin' All about a dollar, my team in the cash gettin' Straight out the burb, we drinking we smash niggas So when I say I'm balling, that don't mean that I'm playing mate All my diamonds talkin', you can see what they sayin' mayne
[Chorus]
[Too $hort] In the middle of the night, early in the mornin' From the streets to the sheets with some freaks, I ain't yawnin' I'm wide awake, we ain't eatin', we ain't sleepin' These bitches so high man, we ain't even speakin' We just freakin' You rollin' with short dog baby She was high on that pill so I fucked yo lady Come to my house I give 'em everything they want I might not dot it, but I give to ya women Cocaine, mushrooms, ecstasy, GHB, Marijuana She can suck it if she wanna I got tequila, Ciroc and two freaky friends and this a Wednesday night, this ain't the weekend
[Chorus]
[Bridge] Man I'm high as fuck Man I swear I'm on my level Man I'm sloppy drunk Man I swear I'm on my level I finna pass out man I swear I'm on my level A nigga get smashed out Man I swear I'm on my level
Man I'm high as fuck Man I swear I'm on my level Man I'm sloppy drunk Man I swear I'm on my level I finna pass out man I swear I'm on my level A nigga get smashed out Man I swear I'm on my level
[Woman on phone] “Hello Yeah I just walked in Yeah I’m good you still working? tonight, right now? ‘Did I go out’ yeah I went out I went, I went to a couple of clubs I never went to bed shit… wine or water you should see someone about a cold drink I don’t know, I’m delirious… night”
[Drake - Verse 1] Cups of the Rose Bitches in my old phone I should call one and go home I’ve been in this club too long The woman that I would try Is happy with a good guy
But I’ve been drinking so much That I’ma call her anyway and say “Fuck that nigga that you love so bad I know you still think about the times we had” I say “fuck that nigga that you think you found And since you picked up I know he’s not around”
(Are you drunk right now?)
I’m just sayin’, you could do better Tell me have you heard that lately? I’m just sayin’ you could do better And I’ll start hatin’, only if you make me
Uh, cups of the XO All my people been here I see all of her friends here Guess she don’t have the time to kick it no more Flights in the morning What you doing that's so important? I’ve been drinking so much That I’ma call you anyway and say
“Fuck that nigga that you love so bad I know you still think about the times we had” I say “fuck that nigga that you think you found And since you picked up I know he’s not around” (Are you drunk right now?)
I’m just sayin’, you could do better Tell me have you heard that lately I’m just sayin’ you could do better And I’ll start hatin’, only if you make me
I think I’m addicted to naked pictures And sittin talkin’ ’bout bitches that we almost had I don’t think I’m concious of making monsters Outta the women that I sponsor til it all goes bad But shit it’s all good We threw a party, yeh we threw a party Bitches came over, yeh, we threw a party I was just calling cause they were just leaving Talk to me please, don’t have much to believe in I need you right now, are you down to listen to me? Too many drinks have been given to me I got some women that's living off me Paid for their flights and hotels I’m ashamed Bet that you know them, I won’t say no names After a while girl they all seem the same I’ve had sex four times this week I’ll explain Having a hard time adjusting to fame Sprite in that mixture, I’ve been talking crazy girl I’m lucky that you picked up Lucky that you stayed on I need someone to put this weight on
[Drake and Woman on phone] “Well I’m sorry” – [Drake] “Are you drunk right now?” – [Woman]
I’m just sayin’, you could do better Tell me have you heard that lately I’m just sayin’ you could do better And I’ll start hatin’, only if you make me
[Drake on phone] “You’re not going to come?” “Guess I’m bout to just kick it here then…”
Just throw up while I hold your hair back Her white friend said “you niggas crazy” I hope no-one heard that I hope no-one heard that Cause if they did, we gon be in some trouble
When I first saw the advertisement for "The Help" I was on Facebook. I briefly glanced at it then said to myself, “Now why would anyone make a movie like that?” I just shook my head, clicked onto something else, and said to myself, “Definitely won’t be seeing that!”
It was just that simple. I didn’t know whether the movie was a comedy or a drama, and I didn’t even want to find out! Why not? Well from the cover I could see the implied racism with the two Black women standing in their maid uniforms while the two White women dressed in their Sunday best, sat on a park bench looking a little bit ditsy. The secondary status of the Black women is obvious and as if we needed some extra help, the title reads, “The Help.” Hmm... They pretty much spelled it out for us... The phrase, “the help” is most often used in a derogatory way to express the secondary status of domestic workers in relationship to their employers.
Well, a week after first becoming aware of the movie, I started to hear people talking about it. One of my Facebook friends said she thought it should be a movie that every black person sees. Also, the month before it came out, Viola Davis was featured on the cover of my favorite magazine, Essence. So basically this movie was brought to my attention over and over again in many different ways. I was getting the idea that it would contain important lessons about my history, African-American culture, so I went to go see it!
Background Info:
“The Help” was first a best-selling novel (2009) by Kathryn Stockett. According to Wikipedia, Kathryn Stockett was born in 1969 (she’s 42yrs old) and was raised by an African-American domestic worker. Although Ms. Stockett was born and raised in the deep south, she didn’t actually witness the Civil Rights Movement. Most likely, her earliest childhood memories are of 1973.
My thoughts and feelings while watching "The Help":
1.) Make no mistake. This movie is definitely about WOMEN. The men in it play tiny, unimportant parts. It is a story told about the lives of women through the eyes of a woman...and she covers just about everything a woman might experience in life.
What kind of women topics? Miscarriage, Domestic Violence, Marriage, Dating, Child-rearing, Fashion, Girl bullying, Family vs. Career... You name it, it's in there!
The Civil Rights theme is almost secondary to the Feminist History kinda theme...but they kind of move along together...as does real life.
2.) My only criticism is that there was so much going on, especially towards the end. At 1st it's easy to maneuver through, but towards the end, all of my emotions were conflicted. I didn't even know what I was sad about! :-(
I was being hit with such sentimental and emotional experiences, I probably said "Aww" 20 times! It is a tear-jerker, but really funny and heart-warming too!
3.) I’ve read a lot of the reviews but I am here to tell you that life in Mississippi is probably not a whole lot different than that today! I was actually surprised at how similar the movie was to my experiences living there!
4.) I did like the movie because I felt it was just funny enough not to cause anyone to have nightmares yet it didn’t gloss over the Civil Rights Movement like “Remember The Titans” did.
5.) One question I came away with, “Have we ever figured out how and why this type of hatred was able to exist? The movie doesn’t answer that question. However, it does show how delicate and unbalanced the Jim Crow situation had become and the lengths that many white people had to go to in effort to ensure that blacks remained in secondary status.
In the movie, all of the characters were being challenged. Blacks and Whites were being challenged to cross the line. It is as if boundaries were being set. It was almost like watching a dance occur, symbolic of the relationship between Blacks and Whites...they were carving it out and defining it.
Moving into the future:
Many criticisms that I’ve read about this movie suggest that it leaves the Blacks in secondary status as domestic workers, therefore doesn’t really support any real change. My opinion: If you look at the movie from the historic point of view you might walk away with that, but I challenge you to look at the movie and consider it from a present-day point of view. How do your thoughts change? Consider the fact that we still have minority race domestic workers who are treated as 2nd class citizens. Even worse, we now have domestic workers who are not even citizens!
At a very young age, children constantly feel the need to define themselves, and they will look outwardly to do so. They are looking to put themselves into a category, sadly to follow and become someone else’s expectations for themselves. When the child or adult grows into, or becomes the embodiment of that stereotype or pre-conceived notion about themselves, it is called a self-fulfilling prophesy.
The stereotypes have become so ingrained that it’s not about hate anymore. The hateful words, actions, and thoughts have come to be the ordinary and the effects of them, which are passed on from generation to generation, are pervasive, most times subtle, but many times blatantly obvious.
Sadly, there has not been enough peer-reviewed scientific research which examines the role that mainstream media plays in perpetuating and spreading colorism (skin-color bias). I am particularly eager to see a widespread, peer-reviewed study which measures how prevalent skin color preference or skin color bias is throughout mainstream media markets. It would be interesting to see how the mainstream media markets would respond to darker-skinned individuals getting more leading roles and “face” time.
I don’t have a short and sweet or quick story to sum up my experience as a dark-skinned girl. I experience the negative affects of it every single day! I never know when someone is going to bring it up in regular everyday conversation.
The most common statements I hear about myself and other dark-skinned individuals: 1. “She is so black.” 2. (rolls eyes) “…with her black self.” 3. “He was black and ugly!” 4. “She’s a pretty brown.” 5. “She’s the kind of pretty dark black girl.” 6. “Damn girl, you get BLACK in the summertime!” 7. “You shouldn’t date him. Y’all’s baby would be so black!” 8. “Your hair is nappy.” 9. “She needs a perm.” 10. “The best-looking people are not too light or not too dark, they’re in-between.”
Men sometimes compare me to Oprah, saying that I’m dark-skinned and overweight like her, and that if I were to become rich like her, my life would be easier.
And the most annoying one of all, “You’re not dark.” :-( Total Fail!
One of my biggest struggles with this has been...
“Should I take it personally?” I said to myself, and I heard from others, that maybe the cause of the mistreatment was something else about me, not related to my strong African racial genetic disposition. So I thought, “If I were not dark, what negative comments would I hear most often about myself?”
One preconceived notion about me that I hate is...
People think I’m automatically jealous of light-skinned girls because I’m dark-skinned! Right! Those with a self-hating mentality (light or dark) are not able to believe that I could be dark-skinned with nappy hair and not want what the light skinned girl with “good” hair has...and so then there is a lot of disrespect that goes along with that pre-conceived notion about me.
Personally, I can only be friends with light-skinned Black women who are aware of and sensitive to these issues. The light-skinned women who are not sensitive of the feelings I might have about this issue, hurt me oftentimes because they actually enjoy the type of privileges they can receive for being lighter-skinned (closer to White) and tend to force the negative stereotypes onto others. When you first meet someone and automatically assume that they are jealous of you, it seems to be that you are really the one who holds the bias.
I appreciate the light-skinned people in my life who treat me with respect, kindness, love, and who tell me/show me that I’m beautiful and accepted just the way I am...who stand up for me, and who reject the notion that they are better because they are lighter.
One of my biggest concerns is...
Maybe the man I fall in love with will not want to have a child with me because they don’t want a dark-skinned child. I love dark-skinned Black men (and all other types of men actually), but I know that many seek to dilute their African genes as much as possible so that their children will be lighter. A couple of Black men have told me that they did not want to have a baby as dark as them.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s “Stages of Grief”
I think the grief comes from the feeling of rejection as well as the feeling of shame. Shame is the feeling that you are wrong, not that you’ve done something wrong. For example, because God made you dark, you automatically qualify as a stepping stool for someone else lighter, or you’re hated, or you're picked over. Grief also comes from seeing others being favored for their lighter skin and more Caucasian genetic features, while you deal with being rejected because of your darker skin and African genetic features.
Denial “Racism doesn’t exist anymore.” "Chocolate colored skin tone is not really considered to be dark-skinned."
Anger “White people are blue-eyed devils.” Fight or Flight Emotional Response: "I don't like anyone with fair skin and I let them know it!"
Bargaining "I'll keep trying to be more favorable." “If I lighten my skin or straighten my hair I will be more worthy.”
Depression "I give up." “I hate myself because I will always be black, ugly, and rejected.”
Acceptance “Life is not fair, and even though I’ve been discriminated against or made to feel less than, I will live my life in a way that demonstrates love of self, love for others, and reverence for life, period.” “Shit happens.” :-))-: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Medical Intervention
Anita Rani presenter of "Watchdog" and "The One Show" for the British television network BBC ONE, went on a journey with her cameras to find out why skin color issues are so prevalent in the world at large and why the skin-lightening industry is currently a billion dollar industry. She starts in her own family (of South Asian descent), with her own mother's preference for lighter skin.
What struck me most about Anita Rani's short documentary was the moment she surprised her mother with a painted on dark-skinned tan. The panicked mother actually shed tears because she thought her daughter had done something to make herself dark permanently. She was horrified. It was such a painful sight to her! The first question she asked her daughter was, “What did you do to yourself? Can you change it back?”
At that moment, I understood the deep psychological pain that Anita Rani's mother had experienced and suffered through and how she was now mentally and emotionally associating darker skin with extreme suffering. This woman had been so programmed and so conditioned to believe that lighter skin was better, that it manifest itself in a way that made her seem to be racist, hateful, self-hating at the least, and just plain odd (because of the extremes she would go to just to avoid getting a tan darker than the one she was born with).
I asked myself, “Is discrimination really so bad that I would put harsh chemicals on my skin or endure plastic surgery in order to look more White? For me, the answer is “No!” Thank God I have at least that much self-esteem and self-pride! Nevertheless, I realize that some people don’t.
I recently listened to Elizabeth Kubler Ross tell a story in which she was visited by the mother of a teenage boy. The mother explained that she and her son always fought about him wearing a dirty t-shirt, which he never washed. The mother said she was ashamed of what the neighbors would think of their family and she said that she even hated to see him coming because she could smell how filthy the shirt was. Then one night, as her son left the house to go to a party with friends, she stopped him and said to him that if he were to get into a car accident and die that night, she would bury him in that dirty t-shirt. The mother decided not to let the dirty t-shirt ruin the relationship she had with her son.
So the moral of the story is this: We are blessed with people in our lives and we let something as superficial as skin color and hair texture, or even a dirty t-shirt, ruin our relationships with the people we love. So the challenge for all of us is to learn how to be our highest selves and live our lives with all the love we can create.
What is the best way for a person to live and navigate through the waters of injustice?
I don’t know the complete answer. I can only speculate the answer based on the knowledge that I do have.
Lesson 1:
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. fought for civil rights for African Americans and he was assassinated. Would you say that he made the decision that was best for himself? What he did helped to pave the way for justice but it cost him his life. Would you fight to the death for a cause you feel is just or would you just choose to live your life by coping with and/or adapting to the injustice?
Famous Quote: “Give me liberty or give me death” – Patrick Henry
My answer: Brainstorm, determine the risks, make your choice, re-evaluate your choice.
Lesson 2:
Different serial killers have different motives/triggers. If you’re abducted by one, how do you determine whether your behavior will set them off and get you killed or get you set free? If you fight, kick, scream, and disobey your abductor, the situation may end in your death or the killer may set you free. Likewise, if you go along with your abductor’s wishes, the situation may end in your death or the person may set you free. There is really no cookie cutter response that is the right response.
There is definitely a time to fight and a time to be silent. A wise person may be able to recognize the time to fight and the time to be silent…but a truly lucky person will make the right choice at the right time.
Lesson 3:
I was in a situation once where I needed to obtain something from someone else. A friend told me, “I know it sucks, but just suck up your pride and do whatever it takes to get whatever you need, then you can move away from this situation and start over somewhere else with something that has made you a little bit better, a little bit more competitive.”
I look back on my life growing up, and no one gave me this lesson. I guess I expected life to be fair, and if it is not fair, then individuals have the right to fight for their rights, then all will be fair. Those were the lessons I was taught as a child. As an adult looking back on my life, I have learned that life is not fair and that sometimes when you choose to fight injustice, you will lose.
Lesson 4:
What I wish I had been taught…
The key to success is often knowing when to fight and when to be silent.
When a person is accused of and arrested for committing a crime, they are read their rights. They are told, “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you.”
There are times when people will accuse, judge, and convict you in their minds based on circumstancial evidence or no evidence at all. Though to them, you are GUILTY, bad, or wrong, beyond a reasonable doubt. And one thing you can be sure of is that anything you say, can and will be used against you.
There are safe places to voice hurt and frustrations and there are unsafe places to share yourself. You may want to be careful who you share yourself with, because everyone may not take the information you share and use it for good, they may take your story and try to use it against you.
Lesson 5:
Never let anger control you, motivate you, or be a driving force in your life, yet realize that anger is a natural and appropriate response in certain situations.
Know that some people push your buttons just because they can and they may try to use your anger to control you as if you were a puppet on a string. Horrible things have happened to me as well as you, but I cannot, and I will not, allow my life to be consumed with anger or to let anger dictate my path.
So, I will leave this discussion with a question:
What lessons would you teach about living with injustice?
Chip on my shoulda, big enough to feed Cambodia See I never fit into they quotas Sneakers wasn't fittin' and my knees needed lotion Long before I knew the significance of a comb I roam like foam with no vocal reception
Immigrant parents had me feeling like a step-kid And black Americans never did accept me That's why I thrive so much winnin' respect, dig I never fit in with them light skins I thought the lighter they was, the better that they life is
So I resented them and they resented me Cheated on light skin Dominique, we were 17 I figure I hurt her she'd evidently hurt me And all women who have light features see I never let a light broad hurt me That's why I strike first and the first cut's deep
From a light skin girl to a dark skin brotha Shade doesn't matter, heart makes the lover Boy, you so beautiful, boy, you so beautiful Shade doesn't matter, heart makes the lover Honey brown, caramel, coffee brown, chocolate Toffee, pecan, licorice, boy, you so beautiful
Just another knotty head, nigga Hoping Wes Snipes make my life a bit different In middle school I had the right to be timid I had beautiful words but girls never listened
Listen, blacker the berry, sweeter the product Well, I'm fruit punch concentrate and they water Walk into my room thinking how to make moves Ain't thinking like a student but how Ice-T do it
Light dudes had the girls looking there Aw yeah, it's not fair, the ones with the good hurr Couldn't adapt to naps I wore caps They napped and slept on me
Man, I hate black skin tone I wish I could take it back or rearrange my status Maybe if I was khaki, associating light skin with classy The minstrel show, showed a me that was not me
From a light skin girl to a dark skin brotha Shade doesn't matter, heart makes the lover Boy, you so beautiful, boy, you so beautiful Shade doesn't matter, heart makes the lover Honey brown, caramel, coffee brown, chocolate Toffee, pecan, licorice, boy, you so beautiful
They say black is beautiful But ask them beautiful light girls If it's black they attract to usually What if Barack's skin was all black? Truthfully would he be a candidate Or just a black in community?
We as black dudes tend to lack unity And them blacker girls ain't on the tube usually Right now at 23 I ain't mad at them reds no more But for long time I had gone cold blind
Full of my own insecurity, it was holding me Back to reds, I ain't know how to act They would get the cold shoulder And know it was an act, a defense mechanism What I thought that I lacked
From a light skin girl to a dark skin brotha Shade doesn't matter, heart makes the lover Boy, you so beautiful, boy, you so beautiful Shade doesn't matter, heart makes the lover Honey brown, caramel, coffee brown, chocolate Toffee, pecan, licorice, boy, you so beautiful
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