Welcome!!! I have decided to take a journey deep into my inner self to discover a deeper sense of peace and maybe even to get some of life's most puzzling questions answered. Feel free to join me on this journey and leave your thoughts...
After creating the Youtube playlist, “Black Dating and Marriage Videos,” and viewing/organizing most of the vids, I realize that I have learned so much about the unique mixture of gender roles, stereotypes, media representation, and their effect on the Black community/state of Black Marriage.
Why so much negativity about Tyler Perry's work?
I always wondered why so many Black people were hard on Tyler Perry yet the same people either completely ignore (or completely worship), Hip Hop artists who promote misogyny in their music videos.
Could it be homophobia? Maybe they don’t like the fact that he dresses up like an old lady. *shrugs*
Could it be that the concept of Male Privelege (something that exists in our society almost subconsciously) is overtly exposed to audiences through Tyler Perry’s characters and stories?
Possibly it is...
Here is something interesting that I found out about myself: I trust Tyler Perry.
Yes, I know it’s weird! But when he cast former porn star, Kim Kardashian, in his upcoming film, “The Marriage Counselor,” a lot of people were very angry. They felt as if he had finally sold out and strayed away from his commitment to make movies that uplift the Black community. Well, my 1st thought was, “Either he is losing his mind or he has a master plan.” Yes, dear friends, I actually trust Tyler Perry. ;) You know what that means! Just kidding... :-P
I’m not saying that I would marry him and live happily ever after. No. I’m saying that I trust him to bring me the same content consistently, and to do it from the heart. I’ve seen all of Tyler Perry’s movies except for 'For Colored Girls' (the play he adapted to film) and 'Precious' (the film which he only endorsed). I know the type of artist he is. I know where he’s coming from and I can usually predict where he’s going. Some see him as a money maker but I see him as an artist, a writer, a film-maker. His artistic process surely requires deep thought and almost an emotional purging.
Tyler Perry vs. Spike Lee
As far as the Tyler Perry/Spike Lee debate, here are my thoughts: I personally have never liked Spike Lee’s films, although I can agree that they are great artistic pieces. I guess I never really bought what he was selling.
1.) Sexuality
One thing I did notice however were his extremely graphic and unforgettable sex scenes! There is all kind of art! The sex scenes were uniquely Spike Lee! Whereas Tyler Perry’s movies most often don’t have sex scenes and display underlying themes of Christianity. In my honest opinion, that is the major difference seen strictly from this movie-goer’s eyes.
Check out these articles about Spike Lee’s sex scenes:
An accusation that Spike Lee makes about Tyler Perry’s films is the “coonery and buffoonery” statement. All it took was a simple Google search of these two men’s biographies to find out where the class issue comes into play. Spike Lee was born and raised in a wealthy family whereas Tyler Perry was born and raised in impoverished circumstances. So I think it’s fair to say that their perspectives may be slightly different. Some see the world through rose-colored glasses and some see the world through lavender colored glasses… so maybe their socio-economic background acts as a filter for their artistic expressions.
Diary of a Mad Black Woman mastermind Tyler Perry turns the familiar Cinderella tale on its head with this story concerning a successful female (more...)
All you need is a cup of hot cocoa, your pajamas, and maybe headphones... Then you can sit back and enjoy all of the drama, madness, humor, and warm fuzzies of my youtube playlist, "Black Marriage and Dating Videos." <--To watch on Youtube click here.
Is the Devil Hijacking Black youth culture by way of media representation? And I'm not talking about no illuminati/cult/etc! Just Lucifer/Satan in the form of distorted reality, straight up and pure. What do you think? Think people, THINK!
Don't get me wrong, I believe in Freedom of Speech but I also believe in morality... They have the right to say it, but you can be moral and reject it!
If the KuKluxKlan released a white supremacy album that went platinum in 1 week, and the video got 1bil hits across Youtube and Vimeo combined, Black people would be marching in the streets! But you have Wiz Khalifa and Too Short release a hit song glorifying drug-abuse and drug-induced rape, and people say "Leave them alone! They've had a hard life."
Just think, what other heroes do little 10-yr old Black and Hispanic boys have? That is why this attitude has become our culture and continues to contribute to the association of racial and ethnic minorities with moral deviance. Simply put, in the words of Lil' Wayne, "This is a culture." (Click here to watch Lil Wayne's Public Service Announcement.)
In the 90s when Tupac was talking about drive-bys, I knew children who were killed due to drive-bys! I understand that "thug-life" may be the truth of their reality, but the glorification of it doesn't help those who are 1.) not making money off it, and 2.) wasting their money by buying it and/or seeking to imitate it.
I recently read an article from The Root titled, "Liberals Still Fighting Old Culture Wars" which discussed liberal groups' frustration and intolerance of Conservative Republican leader, Pat Buchanan. Pat Buchanan recently wrote a new book, "Suicide of a Superpower: Will America Survive to 2025?" In it he claims that our nation, born a Western Christian republic, is becoming a "multiracial, multicultural, multilingual, multiethnic stew...that has no successful precedent in the history of the world." Could his concern be due to reports like these?
1.) Professor Tricia Rose, author of "Black Noise" discusses the corporatization of black culture and states that marketing, rather than creativity now drives the work of artists, drives the sexual exploitation of black women...Yet it's difficult to be critical of young black men.
** View the net worth of the Top-5 Richest Rappers of 2011. Lil Wayne does not make the Top-5 due to his net worth being only $85million in 2011.
** See what HipHop artists earned, according to Forbes, in the year 2011. "HipHop Cash Kings 2011"
I realize that some of the images of drug use may be triggers for some people (probably why they made it). I think we all know that there's something wrong with this kind of lifestyle/music. :-( Nevertheless, the music is catchy...sigh. How many kids will begin a lifetime of addiction after dancing to this I wonder?
[Wiz Khalifa - Verse 1] It's the champagne pourin' Big joint rollin' Bombay sippin' No blunt smoking Bad bitch gettin' Thick and she got some friends with her I take 'em out pourin' shots of liquor Drinkin' out the bottle, smiling in all my pictures The marijuana loud so them hoes follow like twitter nigga, you know everything Taylored Don't rush to the bar fool, if you ain't got no paper That's the rules, high as fuck, sloppy drunk when I'm passing through Rollin' doobies up, ya hoe who we pass 'em to Hit the club spend this money up, roll another one, drink, act a fool That's what I have to do
[Chorus] See after drinking champagne all night Never worry bout a damn thing, y'all might Homie I'm on my level (yeh) I'm on my level (yeah) I'm on my level (yeh) I'm on my level (yeaah)
So let me take one shot to the brain And I order three more shots I'm going in, ayy I'm on my level (yeh) I'm on my level (yeah) I'm on my level (yeh) I'm on my level (yeaah)
[Wiz Khalifa - Verse 2] Spent a couple dollars on my engine motor roaring when I back out the garage Gin got me drunk as fuck stumbling out the bar Plus I'm struggling tryna find the keys to my car Cause I be going hard, roll the camera Life just like a movie, I'm the star Wish you was in my position You too broke to play the part Of course I keep some bad women with me in the back Sippin' Rose with some hash twistin' All about a dollar, my team in the cash gettin' Straight out the burb, we drinking we smash niggas So when I say I'm balling, that don't mean that I'm playing mate All my diamonds talkin', you can see what they sayin' mayne
[Chorus]
[Too $hort] In the middle of the night, early in the mornin' From the streets to the sheets with some freaks, I ain't yawnin' I'm wide awake, we ain't eatin', we ain't sleepin' These bitches so high man, we ain't even speakin' We just freakin' You rollin' with short dog baby She was high on that pill so I fucked yo lady Come to my house I give 'em everything they want I might not dot it, but I give to ya women Cocaine, mushrooms, ecstasy, GHB, Marijuana She can suck it if she wanna I got tequila, Ciroc and two freaky friends and this a Wednesday night, this ain't the weekend
[Chorus]
[Bridge] Man I'm high as fuck Man I swear I'm on my level Man I'm sloppy drunk Man I swear I'm on my level I finna pass out man I swear I'm on my level A nigga get smashed out Man I swear I'm on my level
Man I'm high as fuck Man I swear I'm on my level Man I'm sloppy drunk Man I swear I'm on my level I finna pass out man I swear I'm on my level A nigga get smashed out Man I swear I'm on my level
[Woman on phone] “Hello Yeah I just walked in Yeah I’m good you still working? tonight, right now? ‘Did I go out’ yeah I went out I went, I went to a couple of clubs I never went to bed shit… wine or water you should see someone about a cold drink I don’t know, I’m delirious… night”
[Drake - Verse 1] Cups of the Rose Bitches in my old phone I should call one and go home I’ve been in this club too long The woman that I would try Is happy with a good guy
But I’ve been drinking so much That I’ma call her anyway and say “Fuck that nigga that you love so bad I know you still think about the times we had” I say “fuck that nigga that you think you found And since you picked up I know he’s not around”
(Are you drunk right now?)
I’m just sayin’, you could do better Tell me have you heard that lately? I’m just sayin’ you could do better And I’ll start hatin’, only if you make me
Uh, cups of the XO All my people been here I see all of her friends here Guess she don’t have the time to kick it no more Flights in the morning What you doing that's so important? I’ve been drinking so much That I’ma call you anyway and say
“Fuck that nigga that you love so bad I know you still think about the times we had” I say “fuck that nigga that you think you found And since you picked up I know he’s not around” (Are you drunk right now?)
I’m just sayin’, you could do better Tell me have you heard that lately I’m just sayin’ you could do better And I’ll start hatin’, only if you make me
I think I’m addicted to naked pictures And sittin talkin’ ’bout bitches that we almost had I don’t think I’m concious of making monsters Outta the women that I sponsor til it all goes bad But shit it’s all good We threw a party, yeh we threw a party Bitches came over, yeh, we threw a party I was just calling cause they were just leaving Talk to me please, don’t have much to believe in I need you right now, are you down to listen to me? Too many drinks have been given to me I got some women that's living off me Paid for their flights and hotels I’m ashamed Bet that you know them, I won’t say no names After a while girl they all seem the same I’ve had sex four times this week I’ll explain Having a hard time adjusting to fame Sprite in that mixture, I’ve been talking crazy girl I’m lucky that you picked up Lucky that you stayed on I need someone to put this weight on
[Drake and Woman on phone] “Well I’m sorry” – [Drake] “Are you drunk right now?” – [Woman]
I’m just sayin’, you could do better Tell me have you heard that lately I’m just sayin’ you could do better And I’ll start hatin’, only if you make me
[Drake on phone] “You’re not going to come?” “Guess I’m bout to just kick it here then…”
Just throw up while I hold your hair back Her white friend said “you niggas crazy” I hope no-one heard that I hope no-one heard that Cause if they did, we gon be in some trouble
When I first saw the advertisement for "The Help" I was on Facebook. I briefly glanced at it then said to myself, “Now why would anyone make a movie like that?” I just shook my head, clicked onto something else, and said to myself, “Definitely won’t be seeing that!”
It was just that simple. I didn’t know whether the movie was a comedy or a drama, and I didn’t even want to find out! Why not? Well from the cover I could see the implied racism with the two Black women standing in their maid uniforms while the two White women dressed in their Sunday best, sat on a park bench looking a little bit ditsy. The secondary status of the Black women is obvious and as if we needed some extra help, the title reads, “The Help.” Hmm... They pretty much spelled it out for us... The phrase, “the help” is most often used in a derogatory way to express the secondary status of domestic workers in relationship to their employers.
Well, a week after first becoming aware of the movie, I started to hear people talking about it. One of my Facebook friends said she thought it should be a movie that every black person sees. Also, the month before it came out, Viola Davis was featured on the cover of my favorite magazine, Essence. So basically this movie was brought to my attention over and over again in many different ways. I was getting the idea that it would contain important lessons about my history, African-American culture, so I went to go see it!
Background Info:
“The Help” was first a best-selling novel (2009) by Kathryn Stockett. According to Wikipedia, Kathryn Stockett was born in 1969 (she’s 42yrs old) and was raised by an African-American domestic worker. Although Ms. Stockett was born and raised in the deep south, she didn’t actually witness the Civil Rights Movement. Most likely, her earliest childhood memories are of 1973.
My thoughts and feelings while watching "The Help":
1.) Make no mistake. This movie is definitely about WOMEN. The men in it play tiny, unimportant parts. It is a story told about the lives of women through the eyes of a woman...and she covers just about everything a woman might experience in life.
What kind of women topics? Miscarriage, Domestic Violence, Marriage, Dating, Child-rearing, Fashion, Girl bullying, Family vs. Career... You name it, it's in there!
The Civil Rights theme is almost secondary to the Feminist History kinda theme...but they kind of move along together...as does real life.
2.) My only criticism is that there was so much going on, especially towards the end. At 1st it's easy to maneuver through, but towards the end, all of my emotions were conflicted. I didn't even know what I was sad about! :-(
I was being hit with such sentimental and emotional experiences, I probably said "Aww" 20 times! It is a tear-jerker, but really funny and heart-warming too!
3.) I’ve read a lot of the reviews but I am here to tell you that life in Mississippi is probably not a whole lot different than that today! I was actually surprised at how similar the movie was to my experiences living there!
4.) I did like the movie because I felt it was just funny enough not to cause anyone to have nightmares yet it didn’t gloss over the Civil Rights Movement like “Remember The Titans” did.
5.) One question I came away with, “Have we ever figured out how and why this type of hatred was able to exist? The movie doesn’t answer that question. However, it does show how delicate and unbalanced the Jim Crow situation had become and the lengths that many white people had to go to in effort to ensure that blacks remained in secondary status.
In the movie, all of the characters were being challenged. Blacks and Whites were being challenged to cross the line. It is as if boundaries were being set. It was almost like watching a dance occur, symbolic of the relationship between Blacks and Whites...they were carving it out and defining it.
Moving into the future:
Many criticisms that I’ve read about this movie suggest that it leaves the Blacks in secondary status as domestic workers, therefore doesn’t really support any real change. My opinion: If you look at the movie from the historic point of view you might walk away with that, but I challenge you to look at the movie and consider it from a present-day point of view. How do your thoughts change? Consider the fact that we still have minority race domestic workers who are treated as 2nd class citizens. Even worse, we now have domestic workers who are not even citizens!
At a very young age, children constantly feel the need to define themselves, and they will look outwardly to do so. They are looking to put themselves into a category, sadly to follow and become someone else’s expectations for themselves. When the child or adult grows into, or becomes the embodiment of that stereotype or pre-conceived notion about themselves, it is called a self-fulfilling prophesy.
The stereotypes have become so ingrained that it’s not about hate anymore. The hateful words, actions, and thoughts have come to be the ordinary and the effects of them, which are passed on from generation to generation, are pervasive, most times subtle, but many times blatantly obvious.
Sadly, there has not been enough peer-reviewed scientific research which examines the role that mainstream media plays in perpetuating and spreading colorism (skin-color bias). I am particularly eager to see a widespread, peer-reviewed study which measures how prevalent skin color preference or skin color bias is throughout mainstream media markets. It would be interesting to see how the mainstream media markets would respond to darker-skinned individuals getting more leading roles and “face” time.
I don’t have a short and sweet or quick story to sum up my experience as a dark-skinned girl. I experience the negative affects of it every single day! I never know when someone is going to bring it up in regular everyday conversation.
The most common statements I hear about myself and other dark-skinned individuals: 1. “She is so black.” 2. (rolls eyes) “…with her black self.” 3. “He was black and ugly!” 4. “She’s a pretty brown.” 5. “She’s the kind of pretty dark black girl.” 6. “Damn girl, you get BLACK in the summertime!” 7. “You shouldn’t date him. Y’all’s baby would be so black!” 8. “Your hair is nappy.” 9. “She needs a perm.” 10. “The best-looking people are not too light or not too dark, they’re in-between.”
Men sometimes compare me to Oprah, saying that I’m dark-skinned and overweight like her, and that if I were to become rich like her, my life would be easier.
And the most annoying one of all, “You’re not dark.” :-( Total Fail!
One of my biggest struggles with this has been...
“Should I take it personally?” I said to myself, and I heard from others, that maybe the cause of the mistreatment was something else about me, not related to my strong African racial genetic disposition. So I thought, “If I were not dark, what negative comments would I hear most often about myself?”
One preconceived notion about me that I hate is...
People think I’m automatically jealous of light-skinned girls because I’m dark-skinned! Right! Those with a self-hating mentality (light or dark) are not able to believe that I could be dark-skinned with nappy hair and not want what the light skinned girl with “good” hair has...and so then there is a lot of disrespect that goes along with that pre-conceived notion about me.
Personally, I can only be friends with light-skinned Black women who are aware of and sensitive to these issues. The light-skinned women who are not sensitive of the feelings I might have about this issue, hurt me oftentimes because they actually enjoy the type of privileges they can receive for being lighter-skinned (closer to White) and tend to force the negative stereotypes onto others. When you first meet someone and automatically assume that they are jealous of you, it seems to be that you are really the one who holds the bias.
I appreciate the light-skinned people in my life who treat me with respect, kindness, love, and who tell me/show me that I’m beautiful and accepted just the way I am...who stand up for me, and who reject the notion that they are better because they are lighter.
One of my biggest concerns is...
Maybe the man I fall in love with will not want to have a child with me because they don’t want a dark-skinned child. I love dark-skinned Black men (and all other types of men actually), but I know that many seek to dilute their African genes as much as possible so that their children will be lighter. A couple of Black men have told me that they did not want to have a baby as dark as them.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s “Stages of Grief”
I think the grief comes from the feeling of rejection as well as the feeling of shame. Shame is the feeling that you are wrong, not that you’ve done something wrong. For example, because God made you dark, you automatically qualify as a stepping stool for someone else lighter, or you’re hated, or you're picked over. Grief also comes from seeing others being favored for their lighter skin and more Caucasian genetic features, while you deal with being rejected because of your darker skin and African genetic features.
Denial “Racism doesn’t exist anymore.” "Chocolate colored skin tone is not really considered to be dark-skinned."
Anger “White people are blue-eyed devils.” Fight or Flight Emotional Response: "I don't like anyone with fair skin and I let them know it!"
Bargaining "I'll keep trying to be more favorable." “If I lighten my skin or straighten my hair I will be more worthy.”
Depression "I give up." “I hate myself because I will always be black, ugly, and rejected.”
Acceptance “Life is not fair, and even though I’ve been discriminated against or made to feel less than, I will live my life in a way that demonstrates love of self, love for others, and reverence for life, period.” “Shit happens.” :-))-: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Medical Intervention
Anita Rani presenter of "Watchdog" and "The One Show" for the British television network BBC ONE, went on a journey with her cameras to find out why skin color issues are so prevalent in the world at large and why the skin-lightening industry is currently a billion dollar industry. She starts in her own family (of South Asian descent), with her own mother's preference for lighter skin.
What struck me most about Anita Rani's short documentary was the moment she surprised her mother with a painted on dark-skinned tan. The panicked mother actually shed tears because she thought her daughter had done something to make herself dark permanently. She was horrified. It was such a painful sight to her! The first question she asked her daughter was, “What did you do to yourself? Can you change it back?”
At that moment, I understood the deep psychological pain that Anita Rani's mother had experienced and suffered through and how she was now mentally and emotionally associating darker skin with extreme suffering. This woman had been so programmed and so conditioned to believe that lighter skin was better, that it manifest itself in a way that made her seem to be racist, hateful, self-hating at the least, and just plain odd (because of the extremes she would go to just to avoid getting a tan darker than the one she was born with).
I asked myself, “Is discrimination really so bad that I would put harsh chemicals on my skin or endure plastic surgery in order to look more White? For me, the answer is “No!” Thank God I have at least that much self-esteem and self-pride! Nevertheless, I realize that some people don’t.
I recently listened to Elizabeth Kubler Ross tell a story in which she was visited by the mother of a teenage boy. The mother explained that she and her son always fought about him wearing a dirty t-shirt, which he never washed. The mother said she was ashamed of what the neighbors would think of their family and she said that she even hated to see him coming because she could smell how filthy the shirt was. Then one night, as her son left the house to go to a party with friends, she stopped him and said to him that if he were to get into a car accident and die that night, she would bury him in that dirty t-shirt. The mother decided not to let the dirty t-shirt ruin the relationship she had with her son.
So the moral of the story is this: We are blessed with people in our lives and we let something as superficial as skin color and hair texture, or even a dirty t-shirt, ruin our relationships with the people we love. So the challenge for all of us is to learn how to be our highest selves and live our lives with all the love we can create.
What is the best way for a person to live and navigate through the waters of injustice?
I don’t know the complete answer. I can only speculate the answer based on the knowledge that I do have.
Lesson 1:
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. fought for civil rights for African Americans and he was assassinated. Would you say that he made the decision that was best for himself? What he did helped to pave the way for justice but it cost him his life. Would you fight to the death for a cause you feel is just or would you just choose to live your life by coping with and/or adapting to the injustice?
Famous Quote: “Give me liberty or give me death” – Patrick Henry
My answer: Brainstorm, determine the risks, make your choice, re-evaluate your choice.
Lesson 2:
Different serial killers have different motives/triggers. If you’re abducted by one, how do you determine whether your behavior will set them off and get you killed or get you set free? If you fight, kick, scream, and disobey your abductor, the situation may end in your death or the killer may set you free. Likewise, if you go along with your abductor’s wishes, the situation may end in your death or the person may set you free. There is really no cookie cutter response that is the right response.
There is definitely a time to fight and a time to be silent. A wise person may be able to recognize the time to fight and the time to be silent…but a truly lucky person will make the right choice at the right time.
Lesson 3:
I was in a situation once where I needed to obtain something from someone else. A friend told me, “I know it sucks, but just suck up your pride and do whatever it takes to get whatever you need, then you can move away from this situation and start over somewhere else with something that has made you a little bit better, a little bit more competitive.”
I look back on my life growing up, and no one gave me this lesson. I guess I expected life to be fair, and if it is not fair, then individuals have the right to fight for their rights, then all will be fair. Those were the lessons I was taught as a child. As an adult looking back on my life, I have learned that life is not fair and that sometimes when you choose to fight injustice, you will lose.
Lesson 4:
What I wish I had been taught…
The key to success is often knowing when to fight and when to be silent.
When a person is accused of and arrested for committing a crime, they are read their rights. They are told, “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you.”
There are times when people will accuse, judge, and convict you in their minds based on circumstancial evidence or no evidence at all. Though to them, you are GUILTY, bad, or wrong, beyond a reasonable doubt. And one thing you can be sure of is that anything you say, can and will be used against you.
There are safe places to voice hurt and frustrations and there are unsafe places to share yourself. You may want to be careful who you share yourself with, because everyone may not take the information you share and use it for good, they may take your story and try to use it against you.
Lesson 5:
Never let anger control you, motivate you, or be a driving force in your life, yet realize that anger is a natural and appropriate response in certain situations.
Know that some people push your buttons just because they can and they may try to use your anger to control you as if you were a puppet on a string. Horrible things have happened to me as well as you, but I cannot, and I will not, allow my life to be consumed with anger or to let anger dictate my path.
So, I will leave this discussion with a question:
What lessons would you teach about living with injustice?
Chip on my shoulda, big enough to feed Cambodia See I never fit into they quotas Sneakers wasn't fittin' and my knees needed lotion Long before I knew the significance of a comb I roam like foam with no vocal reception
Immigrant parents had me feeling like a step-kid And black Americans never did accept me That's why I thrive so much winnin' respect, dig I never fit in with them light skins I thought the lighter they was, the better that they life is
So I resented them and they resented me Cheated on light skin Dominique, we were 17 I figure I hurt her she'd evidently hurt me And all women who have light features see I never let a light broad hurt me That's why I strike first and the first cut's deep
From a light skin girl to a dark skin brotha Shade doesn't matter, heart makes the lover Boy, you so beautiful, boy, you so beautiful Shade doesn't matter, heart makes the lover Honey brown, caramel, coffee brown, chocolate Toffee, pecan, licorice, boy, you so beautiful
Just another knotty head, nigga Hoping Wes Snipes make my life a bit different In middle school I had the right to be timid I had beautiful words but girls never listened
Listen, blacker the berry, sweeter the product Well, I'm fruit punch concentrate and they water Walk into my room thinking how to make moves Ain't thinking like a student but how Ice-T do it
Light dudes had the girls looking there Aw yeah, it's not fair, the ones with the good hurr Couldn't adapt to naps I wore caps They napped and slept on me
Man, I hate black skin tone I wish I could take it back or rearrange my status Maybe if I was khaki, associating light skin with classy The minstrel show, showed a me that was not me
From a light skin girl to a dark skin brotha Shade doesn't matter, heart makes the lover Boy, you so beautiful, boy, you so beautiful Shade doesn't matter, heart makes the lover Honey brown, caramel, coffee brown, chocolate Toffee, pecan, licorice, boy, you so beautiful
They say black is beautiful But ask them beautiful light girls If it's black they attract to usually What if Barack's skin was all black? Truthfully would he be a candidate Or just a black in community?
We as black dudes tend to lack unity And them blacker girls ain't on the tube usually Right now at 23 I ain't mad at them reds no more But for long time I had gone cold blind
Full of my own insecurity, it was holding me Back to reds, I ain't know how to act They would get the cold shoulder And know it was an act, a defense mechanism What I thought that I lacked
From a light skin girl to a dark skin brotha Shade doesn't matter, heart makes the lover Boy, you so beautiful, boy, you so beautiful Shade doesn't matter, heart makes the lover Honey brown, caramel, coffee brown, chocolate Toffee, pecan, licorice, boy, you so beautiful
I love this article and I think she's a very beautiful girl! I love it when she writes, "Satoshi who? He must not have seen my friends before he wrote that article..."
It is one of my lifelong dreams to create a cultural diversity curriculum for elementary school children ages PreK-6th grade. It is my belief that teaching children the truth about their heritage while they are in their elementary school years will benefit them greatly for the rest of their lives.
My curriculum would focus on helping adults to help young children foster healthy self-esteem, cultural pride, and multi-cultural awareness. Ideally children would develop a joy of lifelong learning from a global perspective as well as interest in, tolerance of, and acceptance of the world’s cultures. Issues would be addressed such as negative images seen on television as well as any other experience they might have in which they are devalued or are made to feel less worthy because of the color of their skin, cultural beliefs, etc.
The Truth
For example, to teach young children, “Christopher Columbus discovered America” is not really providing them with accurate or culturally sensitive information. The truth is that Columbus discovered America for the Europeans who did not yet know about it. Somehow ths story is always told from the Eurocentric point of view, but do we ever ask ourselves what this image does to Native American and Hispanic children (basically any child with ancestors who were indigenous to the North and South American continents)? I would like to structure the dialogue in a way that it at least makes logical sense and reports accurate cultural information.
In my curriculum, Elementary School children would really start to learn about colonialism around the 4th grade, and I think they should learn the truth, not watered down versions or versions that show all people getting along or how that system worked well. Slavery is my history…it has shaped who I am and it has shaped America. Africa is my history, it has shaped who I am and it has helped to shape America.
It is important for all people to see value in people who look like them. 1.) I want to show children people who look like them, especially Hispanic and African-American children. 2.)I want to send positive and important messages to children about people who look like them daily. 3.)I would like to teach children the truth about people who look like them daily. So not just in February…and not just when celebrating Cinco de Mayo, Kwanzaa, and Hanukkah, although those pieces of culture are important. I do not want any culture to be reduced to celebrations because there is more to it than that.
Global Awareness
When I was in the 6th grade, I remember taking World History. It was very sad that there was very little information there about my own culture, about people who looked like me.
Most educational programs nowadays try really hard to engage children in the learning process and encourage young children to become lifelong learners. My curriculum would focus on this as well but it would also help children learn about world events, and help them to develop a more global perspective so that the information learned and the excitement for learning is not lost as children transition into puberty.
So Geography would be a vital and neccessary part of this curriculum. In 4th grade, most children can name the 50 states but can they name any of the countries in Africa, countries in South America, or cities in Mexico? Do they know about Australia and India, as well as the European countries? Because that is what it means to be American. Being American means to draw upon different influences…to be a part of that melting pot or mixed salad so to speak, and in many ways, both.
The Social/Emotional Experience
So how do you explain colonialism to a diverse group of grade-school children without scarring them for life? The most important aspect of my diversity curriculum would be helping children/parents/teachers deal with the difficult emotions surrounding the issues. To be successful, the curriculum cannot neglect to help children start to understand the concept of White Privelege at an early age. So my curriculm would be social-educational in nature whereby we teach facts but we have to deal with social and emotional aspects. I would really prefer this to lying to them. Even if the curriculum is only used partially, it has to include the social/emotional supportive piece.
We don’t want to over-simplify facts, but we would want to help them to try to see the complexity in it all…because even as adults it is still all very complex. They, as do we, have to understand that everyone is going to view situations differently and have different experiences. But by the time these children reach middle school/high school they will have in their tool belt, the skills needed to combat hatred and to maintain healthy and diverse relationships with others. I think that after years of implementing this curriculum in Elementary schools, cliques in the secondary schools would dissipate, or at least not be represented in the way that they are today.
Every child should feel valued by their teachers, principals, parents, and peers...but does every child feel that their culture is valued?
My Motivation
One thing that inspired me to write this article is the issue of Colorism/Shadeism and the research that I've done regarding this topic.
Colorism or Shadeism is discrimination based on skin shade/skin tone vs discrimination based on race/ethnicity. I have compiled a playlist on youtube for anyone who would like to know more about the topic. This playlist features mostly video documentaries which address the issue of colorism/shadeism. At this point, even I have not watched all of them in entirety…overwhelming.
The color of my skin...The texture of my hair... A black woman’s journey...
Quotes:
“I have a dream that one day my children will be judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” –Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
“The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice.” -African-American Proverb
“All God’s children got good hair.” -unknown
Chocolate - Dark "Dark-skinned" "Black" "Chocolate"
I think the content of this article in its entirety can be used to effectively teach children and adults about this sensitive subject matter. Here are a few points I would like you to keep in mind while traveling on this journey with me.
The first point I need to clarify is about the audience of Hip Hop music. I think Hip Hop music reaches very far! Probably because some of it is more "Pop" than Hip Hop. Joy Daily (the journalist below) is wrong! The record shows that the largest consumer of Hip Hop music are, by far, white teenagers... I know it's shocking but it's true. I don't know how she missed that very important piece.
I think kids will immediately be snapped into what I'm saying, engaged, and interested, because when they look at my photo collages they will see Beyonce and Rihanna who are EXTREMELY popular right now! Also in the photo collages are singers Amerie, Lauryn Hill (like 8 Grammys around 2001), and Faith Evans.
When readers view "Complexion Obsession" they see rappers Drake and Rick Ross, also the hot and popular video models...
The Chris Rock trailer has Chris Rock, Raven Simone (for previous Disney lovers), etc.
Then there is the 2nd Joy Daily video in which she talks about Wale, also popular right now...plus images of sexy video models...pictures of Wale with Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton (young white superstars).
Singer India Arie would usually appeal to the older crowd because she is usually more Neo-soul (and acoustic guitar) than Pop, however this video features rapper Akon, who is extremely popular right now (and has been for the past 5yrs).
I actually think the video of the woman in her thirties speaking about dating and marriage would probably be what turns the kids off...but it certainly does speak to adults!
In other words, these images speak directly to most American children! These are the images that they live with every single day! They worship most of these people! They watch BET, MTV, if they have Time Warner Cable, they can watch most music videos for free, and then there is Youtube and Myspace!
My comments about “Complexion Obsession”: I hardly ever watch music videos but in the past, I have noticed that there's a difference in how much face time they give to the dark-skinned girls in the videos...they might get 1.5 seconds per shot compared to the lighter-skinned girl who may get 3-5 seconds. Then the light-skinned girls always get the close-ups/glamour shots. I'll be like, ok...why did they even put the dark-skinned girl in the video?
Definitely thumbs up on this one!! I think she is not only intelligent, but wise!
From DimeWars.com:
My thoughts: As I mentioned earlier, Joy Daily overlooked an important piece in this segment of "Complexion Obsession." She states that Wale is trying to market his music to black people, but that is not the absolute truth. In fact, in other parts of her documentary, she interviews industry people who try to explain that lighter-skinned black women (and non-black women) are being used more widely in rap music videos to make the videos more marketable to a wider audience... So that means not just black people, but whites, hispanics, etc. I don't believe he was trying to market the video to black people or else he would have had more black women in it. I do think that he is following a paper trail and that he just expects black women to be okay with it. However, he is featured in Wacka Flocka's "No Hands" which showcases mostly black women, and way more dark-skinned black women than average. So in his music career, I guess there's a balance when it comes to this specific issue. But one thing we can do is compare the lyrics to both of those songs and see if the reason for the change is more than just coincidence... :-(
This playlist features mostly video documentaries which address the issue of colorism/shadeism within and outside of the black community. I have compiled them here for anyone who would like to know more about the topic... Colorism or Shadeism is discrimination based on skin shade/skin tone vs. discrimination based on race/ethnicity. In other words, the light-skinned vs. dark-skinned controversy... I haven't even watched all of them in entirety because the content can be overwhelming...
Just press play then scroll over the video with your mouse to pick a video. Use the arrows to pull up more videos in the list.
1. Waka Flocka Flame "No Hands" (really fair images). Now as for the song, I have no idea what he’s talking about! But I think it has something to do with women working in the sex industry.
Black people, lets wake up and stop destroying ourselves! Rappers and others in the Hip Hop music industry have historically been known for skin color bias in their music videos. Now, why is it that rappers think it is okay to specify skin color preference in their songs when they speak about females? "brown skin" "yellow bone" "red bone" ...and u know that they are talking about women who are lighter than a brown paper bag, yet u never hear them say, "My girl is so dark." As a matter of fact, black people know this is a putdown, not a compliment.
So now they have another excuse to disrespect both the light and dark-skinned females. They say that the light-skinned one thinks she's all that and the dark-skinned one has low self-esteem.
And then there was "Becky"...the one that b***p, b***ps... these men don't even respect themselves... If I had children they would never watch TV or listen to the radio! They would be so sheltered! We would be reading books. I would not ...want to teach my children hatred. I don't want them to learn it somewhere else either...especially hating themselves...my little dark-skinned girls watching BET, MTV, Disney, TV One, you name it, and feeling like they just don't measure up because they're too dark...sad and ridiculous...what I call black on black racism.
And major news networks wonder what's wrong with the state of black marriage! Ha! How can you really love someone else when you hate yourself? And black men wonder why black women get attitudes!
Stupidness and Ignorance are tearing our community apart!
Others feel that I should get a life and they’ve told me so. Their attitude is that there must be something missing in my life for me to have to focus on depressing things in the world. So I guess in their opinion, if I was truly happy, I’d 1. have something better to do… and 2. wouldn’t care as much... Even I believe there’s some truth to this...I would be distracted.
This saddens me because I wish that all people could have the life that I’ve had and know the love that I’ve known…but things always get so complicated. Complications cloud my mind… You know, a lot of the times I think I have a gift to give to the world but I feel that the world justs want the "bottom line"…or they just want to forget, or make excuses.
There is always discrimination in some form or fashion. What I would like to see is a world where no one is discriminated against, no client, no employee. If I could create a utopian world, I would create a world where discrimination would END. Everyone would approach relationships from a therapeutic standpoint. At the age of 18, everyone would be trained in Crisis Prevention and Intervention (CPI) by the Crisis Prevention Institute. People would walk around knowing how to de-escalate escalating behaviors and resolve conflicts and would choose to do so.
A world where lawyers were not merely vultures picking over the remains of their latest carcass. A world where people could just “get along.” In this world, the EEOC would just exist as a precautionary measure, not because people are actually discriminated against!
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