Welcome!!! I have decided to take a journey deep into my inner self to discover a deeper sense of peace and maybe even to get some of life's most puzzling questions answered. Feel free to join me on this journey and leave your thoughts...
It is the day after Whitney Houston’s tragic and unexpected death and I’m laying here in my apartment looking at the walls and the furniture thinking, “Am I really here? Ok, come back. Come back to your world. Here. Today.” I find myself not even wanting to say her name, write her name, and I dread thinking it… but my mind at times is like a medley of her songs, it goes from 1 to the other unconsciously. Maybe that is effect that Twitter has on the brain. But somehow I just feel lost in it all. And I recognize this familiar feeling.
It is time to say good-bye.
I struggle to stay present in this moment while I reminisce about the past and worry about the future. I experience flashbacks of my life and feel pain in my body upon the realization that one day I am going to die and so will all the people who I love. I ask myself, “What am I going to do?”
I am aging. Nearing the age of 30, my body has now begun the downhill climb towards the end and yet I have so much more living to do. How will I do it? How will I make it to the end? How will I finish this race against time?
Upon the death of legendary Whitney Houston, I am bluntly reminded again that life is only a temporary and fleeting moment. My entire life's existence is put into perspective. I can remember the 80s. I remember the 90s. And then we have today; already so much of it is gone. One day we will not be here and most likely, yesterday will only register as a date on the calendar to our descendants to come 100 years from now.
A Story:
When I was in elementary school, we had a pageant once a year and I swear at least 1 little girl in the pageant got on stage and sang, “The Greatest Love of All” every year!
Well, six years ago I was baby-sitting my 9yr-old African-American cousin and I mentioned Whitney Houston. She turned to me and said, “Who is Whitney Houston?” I just looked at her in shock! I said, “You don’t know Whitney Houston?” She said, “No.” I thought to myself, “My God, where are we leading our children? So much of our history has been lost."
That was a turning point for me. I thought, “A little Black girl who doesn’t know the awe that is Whitney Houston?” I then realized that the younger generation’s experiences are so much different than mine were. I became scared thinking about the type of people they might be.
As a result of yesterday's tragedy, I’m sure my little cousin is already getting to know the splendor and awe of the entertainer who was Whitney Houston in all her glory! And I’m sure the late great Whitney Houston would have it no other way.
I remember right after Michael Jackson’s death, my friend's 4-yr old son would sing and dance to Michael Jackson songs all day! He told me, “I love Michael Jackson.” I told him, “I heard that I loved him too when I was your age. That was TWENTY years ago. I used to sing and dance to his songs just like you do!”
A happy thought connects the past, present, and future. I am able to smile through my grief a little as this memory helps me to accept that all is as it should be. I can only hope that the light of these stars continues to shine bright forever so that they will continue to live on forever.
To Bobbi Kristina, (Whitney’s only child) and to the rest of her family, I would like to send this message for you, out into the universe:
When I’ve had relatives pass away, I felt heart-breaking sadness at first, but after some time I was comforted by my memories of the times we shared. The memories are what helps to ensure their legacy lives on so that even though they are gone, they will not be forgotten. Whether it’s through my grandmothers’ favorite Caramel Cake or Spaghetti recipe, as long as I live, the talents, gifts, and the love they shared with me will live on forever.
Don’t hold on to relationships thinking that no one else will come along, ever. I know that people are tempted to stay in situations that they’ve invested in. It’s almost like buying a house… maybe the more money you spent on it, the harder you will work to remain in it… or maybe the more expensive the wedding, the more years you’ve dated, in other words…the more you invest, the more committed you are to making a positive outcome, no matter what. You’re committed to being together not because the person is all that great but because of the time, money, energy, effort you’ve invested in a life with the person.
If you are not happy and you’re fully committed (married w/papers to prove it), yes there is room for trying, depending on how bad the situation is.
But guess what? If you’ve never committed to the person…then the easier it is for you to walk away… Not only is it easier, but it’s probably best. Sure all couples have problems but if you are miserable together, what is the point of holding on? Before your health starts to suffer, and you lose more than you will gain…why not just leave and start anew with someone else or even just be alone for a while?
Letting It Go.
In the past I stayed with someone and put up with stuff I should have let go…but I was convinced that I would never find anyone else like him. And you know what? Maybe I was right. I still haven’t found anyone with some of his best qualities, but I am so happy that I don’t have to put up with his bad qualities. And I keep hope alive that I will find someone who made me as happy as he made me on his best days. I know that all the good was not worth all the bad.
I take responsibility for my own destiny and having the choice of who I want in my life and how I want them there. Who do I want to let into the most intimate spaces of my mind, my bed, and my heart? I gotta make sure that he’s the right person for the job. I gotta make sure he’s committed to making it work.
Ladies, let’s take our power back.
Am I going to play Russian Roulette or the slot machine today?
I have to talk about a few deal breakers for me. Domestic abuse is a deal-breaker. Physical or sexual violence, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse are things that I WILL stay FAR away from!
In the beginning there was…
My #1 Pet Peeve is when a guy does not accept "NO!" for an answer.
I don’t understand why guys throw a tantrum when I reject their advances. If you can’t take “no” for an answer and you don’t even know me, then that is a sign that I need to run, not walk, in the other direction.
Another scenario is a guy throwing a tantrum when I’ve asked him to leave me alone. I might say to him, “There is no place for me in your world. I don’t belong there and I’ve tried for months. We’ve talked about it. This is not for me.”
For once in my life I’d like to hear in response, “Ok, I respect that. I respect your wishes. I care about you and would like for you to be in my life but I want to make sure that you truly want to be here. I want you to feel comfortable.”
I like Drake’s song “Take Care” when he says, “Call me when the baggage just ain’t as heavy.” He didn’t hit her over the head and say, “You’ve got baggage! Stop being a b***h! You need to drop that s**t and just give me what I want!” No, he was a lot nicer than that!
Not respecting my “No”, means that you don’t respect me. Period. Respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T What does it look like? What does it feel like? Especially when I’m sure I gave you the “Let me be clear, NO.” There was nothing soft and playful about that.
Catch Him and Keep Him?
Once I actually bought and paid for this dating-help program by a man named Christian Carter called “Catch Him and Keep Him.” The focus of this program is on attraction and how women can use attraction to get their man to make a long-lasting commitment. According to Mr. Carter, in order to create long-lasting attraction and commitment you have to get Him attracted to you on a level deeper than just physical, because basically he can get that anywhere (or at least multiple places). So what exactly is it that Mr. Carter says will make Him commit to you for the long haul? Basically it is a deep sense of attraction, engagement, and emotional connection (a concept which men struggle with) that stems beyond anything you can conceive, buy, etc.
I’ve watched some of the videos and to sum it up, it seems that most important are, 1.) Emotional connection, 2.) Interpersonal relationship strength, and 3.) The feeling of just knowing something is “there.” If these are strong, my friend, your man will know that you are “the one” and will be more than happy to make a long-lasting commitment to you.
What have I learned from the Catch Him and Keep Him program? The 1st and final lesson I learned from all this: Attraction principles apply to men as well as women. So when “it” comes along, you’ll know. Therefore, I don’t care how big of a shortage of men there are, I will wait on one who I share a deep, long-lasting attraction with. Women, you have your list, and you have your rules, but when you’re deeply attracted to someone, you’re willing to break all the rules because you believe that there is a silver lining on the other side! (Guys, this does not mean that I want you to test me by trying to get me to break all the rules.)
Now, how you choose to express your heart’s desire is a different story…and that can be the confusing part for couples to figure out. But then, it’s all in the language…the communication, verbal and non verbal. (Five Love Languages) Many try to imitate this connection, but it honestly is not something that is contrived. If it’s real, you know it. If it’s not real, then you’ll know you’re just pretending.
I think it’s very important for both men and women to find, “the one.” For women this is a lot harder because many times we settle, worried about our biological clock, scared that we’re running out of time, concerned that we may never find anyone as suitable as the one standing before us. We say to ourselves, “Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe I’m chasing a dream that I will never find.”
And so we settle with the 1st one who says he’s willing to commit. Sometimes we settle with the one who only seems like he’s ready to commit with the hope that one day he’ll grow up and be the one we truly need. We hope and we pray that maybe we can change him or inspire him to love us more and to love being with us more. We say, “Wouldn’t we make a great family? Couldn’t we be together forever?” Yes. But what about having an attraction that is lasting, deep, and that goes both ways? I might look into his eyes and see a friend, a good friend, someone who is irreplaceable in my heart and mind, my best friend, even. But does that mean that the two of us need to get together? Just because his sex parts fit mine?
When friends and family ask, “Do you love him?” I might say, “Of course I do. He’s my best friend, but he’s not the one.”
Ladies let’s take our power back.
Loneliness = WTFever?
What is it about feeling that you need somebody, have to have somebody, need someone to complete you? Why submit to an overwhelming sense of loneliness and desire that causes you to date the wrong people, trust the wrong people, throw all caution to the wind and just say, forget it?! Like playing a slot machine at the casino, all you want to do is throw your hands up in the air and hope for the best.
A Desperate Woman’s Prayer
“God please favor me. I have a list and I’ve checked it twice. I’ve been carerful and I’m cautious but I’m still alone and soooo unhappy. God, I just need an escape, some relief. Even if I can’t really trust this person, what the heck? I just need someone right now. So I will settle and I will hope and I will pray that God, you will send me the relief I so desire: the feeling that there is someone out there for me who I can trust, who I can confide in, who I can make love to, who I can share my life with, who understands me, who accepts me, who makes me feel whole, who entertains me, who holds me and comforts me (even if it is through the telephone), and who spends quality time with me. I just pray that you give me this temporary relief Lord, to help me put my feet on the ground and to steady me during life’s storms, because Lord knows I so need this relief. I think He can be trusted but I’m not sure. God, help me. Help him to love me and cherish me the way you would. And if all else fails, and he is not the one, please send someone else for me to play with, to keep me busy, and to keep my mind occupied, to protect me and keep me safe from the evil that is loneliness. And maybe, just maybe, one day He will claim me as His own and I won’t look like a loser to my friends. Maybe we can start a family and I can have the children of my own which I’ve always desired. Maybe, just maybe, this could work out. Or maybe it won’t. But I feel powerless to do without, so I have to make this decision even if it doesn’t work out. I have to make it work, God.”
And there you have it… You enter into a relationship that is more than likely doomed to fail because you’ve thrown away your standards and committed to settling out of pure desperation.
A Miserable Woman’s Prayer
“Oh my God, what did I do? I just want to be free… Free from this madness. I just want it to be over. This game is not fun anymore. It’s too much. Now I feel like a prisoner in a cave and everywhere I go, there it is. There he is. Here we are. I’m trapped.”
Ladies, let’s take back our power.
Male Privelege: Who’s winning?
I can tell you that I understand your pain because I’ve been through it. Therefore my sympathies for you are endless and abundant.
Growing up, many days I wished that I could be a boy… It seemed like love and life were so much easier for them. They had power and privilege (which of course they argue they don’t have). When men chose they chose. When men are done, they’re done. But for women, things are different because it would seem that we actually need them more than they need us, so we invest in them more than they invest in us.
Historically, we needed Him to be a provider and to provide for us and our children. Now we are more independent and we just need Him to start a family with us so we can have children, so that we can attain the coveted two-parent household. But oftentimes, he is not willing to commit and he just wants to 1.) Play games until the end of time. 2.) Tell lies. 3.) Make excuses. 4.) Deceive you into believing what is not the truth, that his bad behavior is all your fault and that there must be something wrong with you. So, the baggage you carry with you are remnants of the mind games that were played and the things that were said and done.
Protect your mind. Protect your heart. From the very beginning! Before you’ve invested too much!
If someone says something that makes you uncomfortable then leave. In general, if you feel uncomfortable, then leave. You have that right. Too many people will tell you to stay. They will say that you’re a better person if you can work through the conflict. But those people are not there in your shoes and are not destined to spend countless intimate hours with that other person. They don’t know everything about your relationship and you can never really explain it to them because it happened in real time.
So go if you need to go. Disconnect if you need to. No one has the right to tell you that you don’t deserve to think for yourself, that you don’t deserve to make your own choices, because in the end when you suffer the abuse, the humiliation, the low self-esteem and when you are the one left trying to pick up the pieces, probably all your advice-givers will have to say is, “Honey, you need to move on. He doesn’t want you anymore.”
You might ask in response, “You mean he’s not going to verbally and emotionally abuse me anymore? So why did I do this? Why did I stay? Why did I invest?” And they will say, “Because you loved him.” Your reply will be, “But you told me that as long as he showed that he wanted me, I should stay. You said I should stay and give him whatever he wants even if it hurts. But now he says he’s done, after all the children, after all the years, and he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore! After all that I’ve invested!” Your friend or family member then can only say, “I’m sorry honey. You have to move on.”
And it’s just that simple. He chose.
So now what will you do when your friends say these things? “You shouldn’t want to be lonely.” “You shouldn’t want to be alone all the time.” “You’re not looking at the wrong you’ve done.” “You don’t always have the nicest attitude.”
From the very beginning ladies, if you don’t want him, you don’t need him. And when you turn around and walk in the other direction you can say that neither the past nor the future matter in this situation because it’s over. “I choose.” Ladies, always remember, “To thine self be true.” - Shakespeare
And the award for "Most Sensitive Rapper" goes to...
Last night before bed I was listening to meditation music when another song kept popping into my head. I could faintly hear a girl singing it...so then I said, "Scratch this meditation. Let me hum this song so maybe I can figure out where I've heard it before." Then I remembered! Oh, that was one of the new songs off of Drake's "Take Care" album! So I went to listen to "Doing It Wrong" by Drake. (The voice I was hearing in my head was actually a cover by HotTottie on Youtube.)
[Verse 1] When a good thing goes bad it's not the end of the world It's just the end of a world that you had with one girl And she's the reason it happened, but she's overreacting And it's all because she don't want things to change
[Hook] So cry if you need to, but I can't stay to watch you That's the wrong thing to do Touch if you need to, but I can't stay to hold you That's the wrong thing to do Talk if you need to, but I can't stay to hear you That's the wrong thing to do Cause you'll say you love me, and I'll end up lying And say I love you, too
But I need someone different You know it, oh ho, you know it Oh ho, you know it, we both know it I need someone different You know it, oh ho, you know it Oh ho, you know it, we both know it Something's been missing You know it, oh ho, she knows it Oh ho, I know it, we all know it I need someone different (Oh ho, oh ho)
[Verse 2] We live in a generation of not being in love, and not being together But we sure make it feel like we're together Because we're scared to see each other with somebody else
What did this mean? Why was my mind pulling me to that song I happened to have heard only twice before... 1.) Well, obviously it sounds good. 2.) I have to say that I admire Drake for this one because he's doing the right thing by showing that he has a conscience. I just applaud him for that. 3.) Honesty, morality...wow, he's winning so many awards for just that one song! It is huge!
Now as for the rest of the album...hmm, well I dunno. But overall I love the Drake (((sound))) and especially his willingness to be vulnerable through his music. And really, his singing is awesome!
The truth? It kind of just happened! Well, not really.
Let me start from the beginning. I was natural from birth to age 16, at which point my mom and I decided that it should not hurt me to get a relaxer. At the time I was very active in cheerleading/dance and the constant heat styling had started to break and thin my hair. So then the journey began.
I could give you the lowdown about all the popular salon-quality perms but I won’t. Things I worried about: overprocessing, underprocessing, chemical burns (every month), breakage, split-ends (many times the stylist had to cut 1.5in of hair to prevent breakage).
What I learned from getting chemical relaxers: Relaxers (perms) are not for everyone! My scalp and hair are unique.
I was also tired of fighting with salon stylists about what was best for my hair. I always tried to explain to them that I knew more about my hair than they did because I had been working with it my whole life! And many times they insisted on doing something that caused my hair to fall out! I’m like, “This is MY hair!”
So, what did I do? With not enough courage to chop it off and go natural, I started braiding and weaving more and more, until I looked up and I had worn my hair in braid extensions or sew-ins for the majority of 18mos. I took the sew-in down in February of 2011 and I had a full head of natural hair! I said to myself, “Great! I’ve always wanted to go natural! Hallelujah! I’m going to make this work and I don’t care who doesn’t like it!” And so it was.
The four main reasons why I went natural: Health, Beauty, Cultural Pride, and Financial Expense
Health
1.) Some people have sensitive skin and/or allergies. I am one of those people. 2.) I have become increasingly concerned about the chemicals that I expose myself to. 3.) Chemical burns from relaxers were a very common occurrence. 4.) There was always something about the smell of a relaxer and hair dyes that turned me off. I said to myself every time, “OMG, what am I putting in my hair? On my skin? And I hope that after years of using it, it doesn’t kill me. 5.) I was told that my hair falling out and/or breaking was a sign of poor health, a hormonal imbalance, or stress. So then a healthy head of hair must be a sign of optimum health. I sought out to find the truth.
Beauty
I have always loved my natural hair and how soft it felt. I look at afro puffs and I see beauty. It draws me in.
I like the way my natural hair feels, looks, and smells. I could lie on it like a pillow for days and days! In between straightenings, I enjoyed rubbing my face with it and smelling it (a habit which really annoyed my mother).
I’m a hair fanatic, period. I like hair types 1-4, though. Hair is hair. *shrugs*
Cultural Pride
There is a lot of pressure for people of color to conform to Eurocentric standards of beauty, labeling Eurocentric as normal and/or right while labeling Afro-centric as abnormal and/or wrong. To many people in our Western culture, Afro-textured natural hair is less desirable than straight hair. Yet for most people of African descent, Afro-textured hair is what they were born with!
Since I’ve learned how to do my own braid extensions, I think I could be more successful at relaxing this time around. However, I will not relax my hair because wearing my natural hair shows cultural pride. It's sad that some people feel threatened by me being comfortable in my own skin. "Oh, you’re comfortable being dark-skinned?" "Oh, you’re comfortable having nappy hair?" My answer: "Well, isn’t that the way God made me?" What is wrong with being proud of who I am, my heritage, and my African ancestry? Honestly, some women look at me as if I am an atheist or something because I’ve said “No” to ever getting a perm again. You know what? They will survive. This is my life, not theirs.
Financial Expense
Hair is expensive! Salon visits, products...
1.) Relaxers:
Week 1 $70.00 (the relaxer) + $20.00 (hair-cut or trimming ends to prevent splitting) Week 2 $50.00 (wash and set) Week 3 $50.00 (wash and set) Week 4 $50.00 (wash and set) Week 5 $50.00 (wash and set) Week 6 $50.00 (wash and set) Week 7 $50.00 (wash and set) Total: $420.00/2 = $210/mo.
Week 8 Cycle starts over with a relaxer on natural roots
2.) Hair Weaving:
Braid Extensions. (Senegalese Twists, Individuals, Micro Braids, Tree Braids) Price - If done by a licensed stylist, these cost usually $125.00 - $200.00. If done by an unlicensed stylist in their home, the cost is about $60 - $125.00. The braiding hair ranges in prices depending on whether it is synthetic, human, synthetic/human blend, imported, etc. $2.00 – $100.00+ per bag. Also, time is a factor. It takes 8-10 hrs for 1 experienced stylist to complete. Wear Time - The style lasts 6wks – 3mos, although it’s recommended for no more than 2mos. Maintenance - About halfway, 3-4wks in, you may have to re-do the edges to keep the style looking fresh. (I wash my hair and scalp weekly nowadays instead of once every two weeks.) Risks - Can pull hair out if done too tightly or left in too long.
Sew-Ins. Price - The average cost for a licensed stylist is $150.00 - $200.00. The hair (on tracks) ranges in prices depending on synthetic, human, synthetic/human blend, imported, etc. Wear Time - The style lasts 6wks – 3mos, although it’s recommended for no more than 2mos. Maintenance - After washing, it is best to sit under a hair dryer for 30min -1hr to make sure the roots (which are in cornrows) get dry. Some women even pay for salon visits to maintain their sew-in weekly. Also, when the roots begin to grow out, they may go in to get it tightened. Risks - Can pull hair out if done too tightly or left in too long. It is also hard to do scalp treatments with a sew-in. (I soak instead.)
Glued-in tracks. Price - $50.00 - $70.00 Wear Time - The style lasts no more than 2wks. Risks - Bonding glue has chemicals and may take your hair out when trying to remove.
After creating the Youtube playlist, “Black Dating and Marriage Videos,” and viewing/organizing most of the vids, I realize that I have learned so much about the unique mixture of gender roles, stereotypes, media representation, and their effect on the Black community/state of Black Marriage.
Why so much negativity about Tyler Perry's work?
I always wondered why so many Black people were hard on Tyler Perry yet the same people either completely ignore (or completely worship), Hip Hop artists who promote misogyny in their music videos.
Could it be homophobia? Maybe they don’t like the fact that he dresses up like an old lady. *shrugs*
Could it be that the concept of Male Privelege (something that exists in our society almost subconsciously) is overtly exposed to audiences through Tyler Perry’s characters and stories?
Possibly it is...
Here is something interesting that I found out about myself: I trust Tyler Perry.
Yes, I know it’s weird! But when he cast former porn star, Kim Kardashian, in his upcoming film, “The Marriage Counselor,” a lot of people were very angry. They felt as if he had finally sold out and strayed away from his commitment to make movies that uplift the Black community. Well, my 1st thought was, “Either he is losing his mind or he has a master plan.” Yes, dear friends, I actually trust Tyler Perry. ;) You know what that means! Just kidding... :-P
I’m not saying that I would marry him and live happily ever after. No. I’m saying that I trust him to bring me the same content consistently, and to do it from the heart. I’ve seen all of Tyler Perry’s movies except for 'For Colored Girls' (the play he adapted to film) and 'Precious' (the film which he only endorsed). I know the type of artist he is. I know where he’s coming from and I can usually predict where he’s going. Some see him as a money maker but I see him as an artist, a writer, a film-maker. His artistic process surely requires deep thought and almost an emotional purging.
Tyler Perry vs. Spike Lee
As far as the Tyler Perry/Spike Lee debate, here are my thoughts: I personally have never liked Spike Lee’s films, although I can agree that they are great artistic pieces. I guess I never really bought what he was selling.
1.) Sexuality
One thing I did notice however were his extremely graphic and unforgettable sex scenes! There is all kind of art! The sex scenes were uniquely Spike Lee! Whereas Tyler Perry’s movies most often don’t have sex scenes and display underlying themes of Christianity. In my honest opinion, that is the major difference seen strictly from this movie-goer’s eyes.
Check out these articles about Spike Lee’s sex scenes:
An accusation that Spike Lee makes about Tyler Perry’s films is the “coonery and buffoonery” statement. All it took was a simple Google search of these two men’s biographies to find out where the class issue comes into play. Spike Lee was born and raised in a wealthy family whereas Tyler Perry was born and raised in impoverished circumstances. So I think it’s fair to say that their perspectives may be slightly different. Some see the world through rose-colored glasses and some see the world through lavender colored glasses… so maybe their socio-economic background acts as a filter for their artistic expressions.
Diary of a Mad Black Woman mastermind Tyler Perry turns the familiar Cinderella tale on its head with this story concerning a successful female (more...)
All you need is a cup of hot cocoa, your pajamas, and maybe headphones... Then you can sit back and enjoy all of the drama, madness, humor, and warm fuzzies of my youtube playlist, "Black Marriage and Dating Videos." <--To watch on Youtube click here.
As I think about all of the people suffering globally during this economic recession I am reminded of my own pitfalls and sometimes I find myself feeling as if I just don’t measure up. I feel like a lesser version of the self I had planned to be and the self I am capable of being. There’s a part of me that feels like a failure.
But somehow, I know this isn’t the right mindset. Life is not about how much money you have, how much property you own, or who knows and respects your name. It just is… Despite hard times and struggle, I’m still me.
What remains the same? You might lose valued material possessions and you might even go without things you need, but there is still a part of you that is able to find joy, meaning, and hope, because you are the same, human, with or without material things.
“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” –John Lennon
Sometimes I think about those people who, at the beginning of the current economic crisis, owned their own home, then abruptly lost it due to foreclosure, and are now homeless. Then I have in my mind the stories about visionaries who had that one wonderful idea then became rich! Then I think about all the people in Mexico who dream of coming to the United States with the hope of making a better life for themselves. Then I say to myself that none of it matters.
Whether I am a day laborer in India, a cashier at your local department store, a teller at a bank, or one of the un-named people in Bible stories who roamed around with Jesus and Moses all day, at the end of the day, none of those things are what life is all about.
Life is about living. Living is enjoying the smile on a baby’s face, the aroma of a pretty flower, the soothing sounds of nature, the kindness of a stranger, or the warmth of a friend. It's about taking a moment to lie down in the grass to feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. It's about taking the time to listen to and enjoy complete silence.
Bask in the charm of the night sky. Look up and take into your being, the beauty of the moon and stars. Try to find the Big Dipper/Little Dipper. If it’s too cloudy but there’s a full moon, observe the way the light cuts in and out of the clouds in the night sky. Over time, these marvels of nature have not changed much and you can feel complete knowing that millions who lived before you looked up and saw the same thing. Just remember to breathe it all in. Forget about the madness in your life, the politics of the world, and lay the drama aside. Take a moment for yourself and be engulfed by the darkness, the oneness, and the stillness of nature.
Then sleep. Then wake-up. Then eat. Then work. Then play. But most importantly, live. Your existence on this earth is only fleeting and temporary. When you’re gone, your friends and loved ones will bury you in the ground and say good-bye, forever. Life as you knew it will truly be over. So today while you are alive, be sure to live. Time will keep ticking no matter how much you plan and no matter how much you worry.
So don’t ever lose sight of what LIFE is all about. It is about waking up in the morning and just being alive. We can’t really be sure of what the next month or year will bring or even certain that we will be here among the living. But at the end of the day, if you have food, clothing, shelter, and your health, you’re living a pretty good life.
And should you get sick and become unable to pay your medical bills, then you will eventually die as did billions of people before you. But until that sad day, what you have left is time. It's time to enjoy the rest of the life you have on this earth.
Meditation: Today I am grateful for every little thing, every peaceful moment, every opportunity.
This is a follow-up to my previous blog about the negative, downhill moral journey of black youth culture. I have to admit that I got a little flack for the last article. People said I was being judgemental and that I thought I was perfect... So how bout this one? I know and believe that black culture is (or can be) so much more than just a combination of risky sexual behavior, drug-use, illegal drug activity, etc. And it is my personal opinion that this type of lifestyle should not be glorified! Children as well as adults see their heroes engaged in this type of activity and they seek to imitate it. Then it becomes almost normal or expected to continue the pattern.
My focus for this article is pop sensation Rihanna, and her new video, "We Found Love." I can relate to Rihanna and I admire her creativity but I still believe that the image she puts forth as a young black woman is irresponsible.
Here are my thoughts on the video as well as the article.
Risk-taking behavior at it's highest!
1.) The slot machine symbolizes risk taking. As does her other video, "Russian Roulette." So does behavior like jumping on tables in public places, doing lots of drugs(and also the way that they do them, like smoking 4 joints, or whatever that was, at 1 time) and last but not least, remaining in an abusive relationship.
2.) In the scene where she was passed out, Chris Witherspoon interpreted that the man was trying to "comfort her in a drunken stupor." To me he looked worried. Also, there were ambulance lights flashing in-between that scene.
3.) In the end she was balled up into a corner because she realized that she needed to change her life but it was hard...also she was detoxing. She's detoxing from the relationship, which itself was like a drug--> like she said, "wanting the good without the bad."
4.) I don't think people realize the reality of how much drug use/abuse can contribute to poor decision making! If I was high on drugs all the time, I might fall in love with a tree!
5.) She's sick and she knows it...And she's only 23yrs old. Wow...
In the song "Rehab" off her 2nd album, she says, "I gotta check into rehab cause baby you're my disease." (Yeah, the video with Justin Timberlake as her love interest.) Well, this is her 6th album, so it seems like she's been dealing with these issues for at least the length of her entire music career!
6.) I applaud her for her creativity! However, I think a lot of kids will watch and think it's just cool to get high and f**k...
On another note (and completely off topic I guess), the "We Found Love" video reminds me of Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream." Although, "We Found Love" reaches a little deeper and kind of looks more like a nightmare than a dream! A drug-induced one!
I was recently bit by the MRSA bug which I previously thought was the equivalent of the Boogedy Man. I rarely watch the news but I had a few buzzlings in my ear about this new so-called killer infection that was going around. I thought, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like bird flu, swine flu, and the African killer bees, right? Yeah, some people got it and died from it but it’s nothing major to worry about, especially nothing to PANIC about..."
Well, this is a warning to those who are not believers! The Boogedy Man is REAL! You just don’t realize it until he catches you!
My Story:
My doctor tried one antibiotic shot and a combination of two oral antibiotics...didn't work, just got bigger. My temp was 99.5 without pain relievers.
The next day, he then attempted to drain it...didn't drain. Without pain reliever, my temp was 99.5. I was given a larger dose of the antibiotic shot and told to continue the oral antibiotics...didn't work, but did not get any bigger.
The next day, my temp was 100.8 without any pain relievers. The doctor replaced one of the oral antibiotics I was taking with a stronger antibiotic and opened up the hole a little bit more, and it worked... Five days later, it had gone down and did not have any drainage, however I decided to keep covering the incision with guaze and tape (or a band-aid) until it healed completely.
From Thursday to Monday I actually lost 7 lbs! No complaints there!
Staphylococcus aureus, often referred to simply as “staph,” is a type of bacteria commonly carried on the skin or in the nose of healthy people. Sometimes, staph can cause an infection. Staph bacteria are one of the most common causes of skin infections in the United States. Most of these skin infections are minor (such as pustules and boils) and can be treated without antibiotics. However, staph bacteria also can cause serious infections (such as surgical wound infections, bloodstream infections, and pneumonia).
Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) refers to types of staph that are resistant to a type of antibiotic methicillin. MRSA is often resistant to other antibiotics, as well. While 25% to 30% of the population is colonized with staph (meaning that bacteria are present, but not causing an infection with staph), approximately 1% is colonized with MRSA.
How can you prevent the spread of Staph/MRSA infection?
1.) Keep your immune system in check. Your body's ability to fight off infections can determine how sick this superbug can make you, if you even get an infection at all. (See "Myra's Weight Loss Challenge")
2.) Don't take antibiotics when you're not sick. Don't take antibiotics to treat viruses (viral infections) because they will not work. Be sure to use antibiotic ointments sparingly on cuts and scrapes or not at all.
Bacteria are living organisms just like humans and giraffes. Years ago, giraffes used to have short necks. Then something happened to the climate where the trees grew taller and the food source was now high up in the air. So the giraffes with really short necks eventually died out and the ones with long necks survived because they were able to get food. Today, all giraffes have long nexts.
Wait a minute...I think that's called natural selection... so maybe it was a little bit of natural selection and possibly a bit genetic adaptation/mutation whereby the genes began to change to ensure the survival of the species. Scientists believe that the giraffes began stretching their necks to get the food and this also caused their genes to mutate. So over time, with natural selection and genetic mutation, all giraffes came to have long necks.
So that's what happens to bacteria. The strong ones survive, adapt, and mutate, then future generations are able to withstand a little bit better, that which many of the previous generations could not withstand. That is MRSA. Staph bacteria's new distant cousin can survive and thrive when attacked with many different types of antibiotics which the weaker Staph cousins are unable to survive.
Over time, constant exposure to anti-biotics will only give the bacteria plenty of opportunity to practice getting their genetics right. So don't do that!
3. Be clean but not too clean.
It's best to bring out the guns when you have an active infection or you know you might have been exposed: Antiseptic hand sanitizer, anti-bacterial wipes, etc. I have seen recomendations for shower/bath daily and at least once per week with anti-bacterial soap, however I continue to use the anti-bacterial soap daily. I do admit that many days I shower/bathe twice daily (short showers)...hmm.
However, just as bacteria adapt to antibiotics, they can also adapt to germicides... It only takes a couple of strong ones to live on, then soon you'll have a whole colony of "resistant" bacteria who just won't die! :-(
Is the Devil Hijacking Black youth culture by way of media representation? And I'm not talking about no illuminati/cult/etc! Just Lucifer/Satan in the form of distorted reality, straight up and pure. What do you think? Think people, THINK!
Don't get me wrong, I believe in Freedom of Speech but I also believe in morality... They have the right to say it, but you can be moral and reject it!
If the KuKluxKlan released a white supremacy album that went platinum in 1 week, and the video got 1bil hits across Youtube and Vimeo combined, Black people would be marching in the streets! But you have Wiz Khalifa and Too Short release a hit song glorifying drug-abuse and drug-induced rape, and people say "Leave them alone! They've had a hard life."
Just think, what other heroes do little 10-yr old Black and Hispanic boys have? That is why this attitude has become our culture and continues to contribute to the association of racial and ethnic minorities with moral deviance. Simply put, in the words of Lil' Wayne, "This is a culture." (Click here to watch Lil Wayne's Public Service Announcement.)
In the 90s when Tupac was talking about drive-bys, I knew children who were killed due to drive-bys! I understand that "thug-life" may be the truth of their reality, but the glorification of it doesn't help those who are 1.) not making money off it, and 2.) wasting their money by buying it and/or seeking to imitate it.
I recently read an article from The Root titled, "Liberals Still Fighting Old Culture Wars" which discussed liberal groups' frustration and intolerance of Conservative Republican leader, Pat Buchanan. Pat Buchanan recently wrote a new book, "Suicide of a Superpower: Will America Survive to 2025?" In it he claims that our nation, born a Western Christian republic, is becoming a "multiracial, multicultural, multilingual, multiethnic stew...that has no successful precedent in the history of the world." Could his concern be due to reports like these?
1.) Professor Tricia Rose, author of "Black Noise" discusses the corporatization of black culture and states that marketing, rather than creativity now drives the work of artists, drives the sexual exploitation of black women...Yet it's difficult to be critical of young black men.
** View the net worth of the Top-5 Richest Rappers of 2011. Lil Wayne does not make the Top-5 due to his net worth being only $85million in 2011.
** See what HipHop artists earned, according to Forbes, in the year 2011. "HipHop Cash Kings 2011"
I realize that some of the images of drug use may be triggers for some people (probably why they made it). I think we all know that there's something wrong with this kind of lifestyle/music. :-( Nevertheless, the music is catchy...sigh. How many kids will begin a lifetime of addiction after dancing to this I wonder?
[Wiz Khalifa - Verse 1] It's the champagne pourin' Big joint rollin' Bombay sippin' No blunt smoking Bad bitch gettin' Thick and she got some friends with her I take 'em out pourin' shots of liquor Drinkin' out the bottle, smiling in all my pictures The marijuana loud so them hoes follow like twitter nigga, you know everything Taylored Don't rush to the bar fool, if you ain't got no paper That's the rules, high as fuck, sloppy drunk when I'm passing through Rollin' doobies up, ya hoe who we pass 'em to Hit the club spend this money up, roll another one, drink, act a fool That's what I have to do
[Chorus] See after drinking champagne all night Never worry bout a damn thing, y'all might Homie I'm on my level (yeh) I'm on my level (yeah) I'm on my level (yeh) I'm on my level (yeaah)
So let me take one shot to the brain And I order three more shots I'm going in, ayy I'm on my level (yeh) I'm on my level (yeah) I'm on my level (yeh) I'm on my level (yeaah)
[Wiz Khalifa - Verse 2] Spent a couple dollars on my engine motor roaring when I back out the garage Gin got me drunk as fuck stumbling out the bar Plus I'm struggling tryna find the keys to my car Cause I be going hard, roll the camera Life just like a movie, I'm the star Wish you was in my position You too broke to play the part Of course I keep some bad women with me in the back Sippin' Rose with some hash twistin' All about a dollar, my team in the cash gettin' Straight out the burb, we drinking we smash niggas So when I say I'm balling, that don't mean that I'm playing mate All my diamonds talkin', you can see what they sayin' mayne
[Chorus]
[Too $hort] In the middle of the night, early in the mornin' From the streets to the sheets with some freaks, I ain't yawnin' I'm wide awake, we ain't eatin', we ain't sleepin' These bitches so high man, we ain't even speakin' We just freakin' You rollin' with short dog baby She was high on that pill so I fucked yo lady Come to my house I give 'em everything they want I might not dot it, but I give to ya women Cocaine, mushrooms, ecstasy, GHB, Marijuana She can suck it if she wanna I got tequila, Ciroc and two freaky friends and this a Wednesday night, this ain't the weekend
[Chorus]
[Bridge] Man I'm high as fuck Man I swear I'm on my level Man I'm sloppy drunk Man I swear I'm on my level I finna pass out man I swear I'm on my level A nigga get smashed out Man I swear I'm on my level
Man I'm high as fuck Man I swear I'm on my level Man I'm sloppy drunk Man I swear I'm on my level I finna pass out man I swear I'm on my level A nigga get smashed out Man I swear I'm on my level
[Woman on phone] “Hello Yeah I just walked in Yeah I’m good you still working? tonight, right now? ‘Did I go out’ yeah I went out I went, I went to a couple of clubs I never went to bed shit… wine or water you should see someone about a cold drink I don’t know, I’m delirious… night”
[Drake - Verse 1] Cups of the Rose Bitches in my old phone I should call one and go home I’ve been in this club too long The woman that I would try Is happy with a good guy
But I’ve been drinking so much That I’ma call her anyway and say “Fuck that nigga that you love so bad I know you still think about the times we had” I say “fuck that nigga that you think you found And since you picked up I know he’s not around”
(Are you drunk right now?)
I’m just sayin’, you could do better Tell me have you heard that lately? I’m just sayin’ you could do better And I’ll start hatin’, only if you make me
Uh, cups of the XO All my people been here I see all of her friends here Guess she don’t have the time to kick it no more Flights in the morning What you doing that's so important? I’ve been drinking so much That I’ma call you anyway and say
“Fuck that nigga that you love so bad I know you still think about the times we had” I say “fuck that nigga that you think you found And since you picked up I know he’s not around” (Are you drunk right now?)
I’m just sayin’, you could do better Tell me have you heard that lately I’m just sayin’ you could do better And I’ll start hatin’, only if you make me
I think I’m addicted to naked pictures And sittin talkin’ ’bout bitches that we almost had I don’t think I’m concious of making monsters Outta the women that I sponsor til it all goes bad But shit it’s all good We threw a party, yeh we threw a party Bitches came over, yeh, we threw a party I was just calling cause they were just leaving Talk to me please, don’t have much to believe in I need you right now, are you down to listen to me? Too many drinks have been given to me I got some women that's living off me Paid for their flights and hotels I’m ashamed Bet that you know them, I won’t say no names After a while girl they all seem the same I’ve had sex four times this week I’ll explain Having a hard time adjusting to fame Sprite in that mixture, I’ve been talking crazy girl I’m lucky that you picked up Lucky that you stayed on I need someone to put this weight on
[Drake and Woman on phone] “Well I’m sorry” – [Drake] “Are you drunk right now?” – [Woman]
I’m just sayin’, you could do better Tell me have you heard that lately I’m just sayin’ you could do better And I’ll start hatin’, only if you make me
[Drake on phone] “You’re not going to come?” “Guess I’m bout to just kick it here then…”
Just throw up while I hold your hair back Her white friend said “you niggas crazy” I hope no-one heard that I hope no-one heard that Cause if they did, we gon be in some trouble
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