Dating Questions for Self

What do you want?

I don’t understand when a man tells me that he can’t find a good woman. Being a woman myself, having been a woman all my life, and having close relationships with women, I think it’s safe for me to say that I know a little bit about women. There are so many beautiful and wonderful women out there who are looking for decent men. Ladies, do you really believe a man who says he can’t find a good woman.

The first question I ask him is, “Really? Well, what are you looking for? What do you feel has been missing?” I have learned to accept what men say at face value, but tell them, “Let me help you try to figure this out a little bit because relationships are a complex thing.” I get these answers: “Women are hoes.” “They cheat…my last one cheated on me.” Then I ask the question, “Did you cheat on her first?” What do you think their answer is? It’s always a “yes” followed by, “But I’m not perfect, I’m a man.”

I have gotten to the point where I am tired. Just tired of the whole dating scene. I too would like to find a decent relationship, but in a lot of ways I’ve given up hope as well. Many times I feel I just don’t have the energy or the will to deal with all the drama. One major problem is this: “Pick one.” If you want to be in a relationship with me you need to chose me and only me…if you’re choosing others, then I will do my own thing and choose others. Double standards don’t work for me!

Then there’s the trust game men like to play, “I want to know that you trust me from the moment I meet you because so many women don’t trust men and I need to know that you trust me in order for me to feel comfortable with you.” Well, sorry to break it to you, but when I first meet you, I don’t trust you! I believe that trust is earned. If you want to be trusted in a relationship, dating, etc. you must first know what you want and communicate this with all your being. You should consistently communicate it verbally with words, through body language, actions, and subconsciously.

Great question for you to ask yourself and others on a first date, “What are you looking for?” In other words, you're saying to the other person, "What do you want from me?" I have been in relationships where the person said one thing upon first meeting then a month later they were saying something different that changed up the whole game! Be consistent. Know what you want or your prospective partner will think you are fickle or even worse, “playing games.” If you say to your date, “Let’s just see what happens,” then you cannot blame that other person when things go awry, because you entered the situation unsure about what you wanted to get out of it.


Persuasion vs. Control

Learn the difference between persuasion and control. Ask yourself the question, “What type of persuasion techniques do I use to get what I want from others?” Look at your past behaviors and ask yourself, “At what point did my actions start to become manipulative?” This has to be one of the fastest ways to drive a relationship into the ground, control and manipulation. You can’t address these traits in others until you address them within yourself. Are your relationships based on control?

Controlling Behavior in Relationships:
Calling/Texting Excessively
Checking In
Financial Dependence (relationships should not be based on this)
Having your partner indebted to you
Lying/Dishonesty
Aggression (not to be confused w/anger)
Throwing Temper Tantrums
Verbal Insults
Yelling
Breaking Things
Getting Physical


Broaden Your Horizons

Finally the last set of questions that I will leave you with. Ask yourself, “Do I have unrealistic expectations for my prospective or current partner?” Ask yourself, “What exactly are realistic expectations?” You can ask your Facebook friends, your mom, dad, grandma, and people you’re not related to. Just get to know different types of people and find out what most consider to be realistic expectations for your prospective or current relationship. This process will teach you how to get to know others and also how to respect differing opinions.

I always find myself saying, “I’m sorry, you must have me confused with somebody else.” Respect differences. Respect opinions. Never tell your prospective partner who you think they should be, but allow them to be who they are. Listen. Actively listen. Ask questions. Don’t get angry about someone else’s beliefs, opinions, and attitudes. You are allowed to respectfully disagree. Agree to disagree and move on or move forward. It's your choice. But you cannot place the blame on someone else for not meeting your expectations, especially a whole gender of people.

Broaden your horizons. Date outside your race. Date within your race. Date outside your culture. Date within your culture. Try online dating, speed dating, a phone chat line…these will help you hone important dating skills (listening without seeing, written communication, setting up a dating profile, answering the hard questions). Determine who you would absolutely never be happy with then cast your net wide and search for any who you might be compatible with.

As for praying for God to send you that special someone... Well, faith without work is dead.

Links:

http://www.ehow.com/video_4981821_build-trust-relationship.html

http://www.ehow.com/video_4981821_build-trust-relationship.html