Saying Good-bye - Part 1

Saying good-bye is a part of life. Sometimes we choose it and other times we have no choice, the good-bye chooses us. People move away, go to jail, die, vow to never speak to you again, ask you not to contact them…all these things…and while the world keeps spinning on its axis as if nothing ever happened, you are shaken to the core. Every time I have to say good-bye to someone who I love deeply, I feel as if I am a different person…I am still me, however, different now without that person in my life.

It’s as if all of a sudden you’re standing still or wandering slowly down a busy street watching everyone and everything move in a fast blur, as if in a dream. You wonder where everyone is going, what everyone is doing, and for a moment you feel lost and forgotten because you’re moving too slowly. Faces and bodies are a blur as they leave you behind. You're standing there wondering what step to take next, which direction to go in, and what to do when you get to wherever it is that you’re supposed to be. Then you realize that maybe it’s just best to stop, sit, and wait until life makes sense again.


After a little while of pausing for reflection, you find yourself just going through the motions trying to look normal or to at least look like everyone else. You pretend to be the same. You try to blend in but you’re so far away…so lost. Living for you is like singing the “ABC” song; it sounds the same every time. You follow predictable cues and act accordingly, but you’re not there. Friends call you on the phone and you ignore them. You say to family and friends, “I’m tired,” or “I’m busy,” but you really want to say, “I can’t talk to you right now because I don’t care about what you’re talking about.” You just want to hear silence…or maybe the sounds of comforting rain, rush hour traffic, or soft music…anything that doesn’t require you to think. And you want to sleep a deep and peaceful rest so that maybe when you wake up you’ll care; you’ll be engaged and aware of life again. You will have moved on.